THE LONG ROAD TO QLAMQTAR – My guide to all 211 FIFA nations in the 2022 FIFA World Cup

***I DON’T HAVE FIFA’S PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT TO USE, TALK, THINK OR EVEN YELL AT RANDOS FROM MY BALCONY ABOUT ANY NAMES, COUNTRIES OR EVENTS MENTIONED IN MY FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 COVERAGE, SO FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS FROM HERE ON IN, THE EVENT WILL BE REFERRED TO AS QLAMQTAR 2022.***

The Qlamqtar 2022 World Cup is approaching like a steam train at St Petersburg’s Moskovsky Railway Station about to run over and crush Anna Karenina, and the first ever World Cup held in the Arab world promises to be a real doozy. World Cup history is a tale resplendent with stories of triumph against the odds, childhood dreams coming true and unsung heroes becoming legends. As well as dumb idiot losers, wanker fuck ups and teams that are just total bullshit.

But how shall ye learn about these legends, losers and teams that are just total bullshit? Well look no further my wayward friend as I profile all 211 FIFA nations that started out on the long road to Qlamqtar:

AFRICA (CAF)

🇩🇿 ALGERIA

🇦🇴 ANGOLA

🇧🇯 BENIN

🇧🇼 BOTSWANA

🇧🇫BURKINA FASO

🇧🇮 BURUNDI

🇨🇲 CAMEROON

🇨🇻 CAPE VERDE

🇨🇫 CENTRAL AFRICAN REPUBLIC

🇹🇩 CHAD

🇰🇲 COMOROS

🇨🇬 CONGO

🇩🇯 DJIBOUTI

🇨🇩 DR CONGO

🇪🇬 EGYPT

🇬🇶 EQUATORIAL GUINEA

🇪🇷 ERITREA

🇸🇿 ESWATINI

🇪🇹 ETHIOPIA

🇬🇦 GABON

🇬🇲 GAMBIA

🇬🇭 GHANA

🇬🇳 GUINEA

🇬🇼 GUINEA-BISSAU

🇨🇮 IVORY COAST

🇰🇪 KENYA

🇱🇸 LESOTHO

🇱🇷 LIBERIA

🇱🇾 LIBYA

🇲🇬 MADAGASCAR

🇲🇼 MALAWI

🇲🇱 MALI

🇲🇷 MAURITANIA

🇲🇺 MAURITIUS

🇲🇦 MOROCCO

🇲🇿 MOZAMBIQUE

🇳🇦 NAMIBIA

🇳🇪 NIGER

🇳🇬 NIGERIA

🇷🇼 RWANDA

🇸🇹 SÃO TOMÉ & PRINCIPE

🇸🇳 SENEGAL

🇸🇨 SEYCHELLES

🇸🇱 SIERRA LEONE

🇸🇴 SOMALIA

🇿🇦 SOUTH AFRICA

🇸🇸 SOUTH SUDAN

🇸🇩 SUDAN

🇹🇿 TANZANIA

🇹🇬 TOGO

🇹🇳 TUNISIA

🇺🇬 UGANDA

🇿🇲 ZAMBIA

🇿🇼 ZIMBABWE

ASIA (AFC)

🇦🇫 AFGHANISTAN

🇦🇺 AUSTRALIA

🇧🇭 BAHRAIN

🇧🇩 BANGLADESH

🇧🇹 BHUTAN

🇧🇳 BRUNEI

🇰🇭 CAMBODIA

🇨🇳 CHINA

🇹🇼 CHINESE TAIPEI

🇬🇺 GUAM

🇭🇰 HONG KONG

🇮🇳 INDIA

🇮🇩 INDONESIA

🇮🇷 IRAN

🇮🇶 IRAQ

🇯🇵 JAPAN

🇯🇴 JORDAN

🇰🇼  KUWAIT

🇰🇬 KYRGYSTAN

🇱🇦 LAOS

🇱🇧 LEBANON

🇲🇴 MACAU

🇲🇾 MALAYSIA

🇲🇻 MALDIVES

🇲🇳 MONGOLIA

🇲🇲 MYANMAR

🇳🇵 NEPAL

🇰🇵 NORTH KOREA

🇴🇲 OMAN

🇵🇰 PAKISTAN

🇵🇸 PALESTINE

🇵🇭 PHILIPPINES

🇶🇦 QATAR

🇸🇦 SAUDI ARABIA

🇸🇬 SINGAPORE

🇰🇷 SOUTH KOREA

🇱🇰 SRI LANKA

🇸🇾 SYRIA

🇹🇯 TAJIKISTAN

🇹🇭 THAILAND

🇹🇱 TIMOR-LESTE

🇹🇲 TURKMENISTAN

🇦🇪 UNITED ARAB EMIRATES

🇺🇿 UZBEKISTAN

🇻🇳 VIETNAM

🇸🇾 YEMEN

CENTRAL AMERICA, NORTH AMERICA & THE CARIBBEAN (CONCACAF)

🇦🇮 ANGUILLA

🇦🇬 ANTIGUA AND BARBUDA

🇦🇼 ARUBA

🇧🇸 THE BAHAMAS

🇧🇧 BARBADOS

🇧🇿 BELIZE

🇧🇲 BERMUDA

🇻🇬 BRITISH VIRGIN ISLANDS

🇨🇦 CANADA

🇰🇾 CAYMAN ISLANDS

🇨🇷 COSTA RICA

🇨🇺 CUBA

🇨🇼 CURAÇAO

🇩🇲 DOMINICA

🇩🇴 DOMINICAN REPUBLIC

🇸🇻 EL SALVADOR

🇬🇩 GRENADA

🇬🇹 GUATEMALA

🇬🇾 GUYANA

🇭🇹 HAITI

🇭🇳 HONDURAS

🇯🇲 JAMAICA

🇲🇽 MEXICO

🇲🇸 MONTSERRAT

🇳🇮 NICARAGUA

🇵🇦 PANAMA

🇵🇷 PUERTO RICO

🇰🇳 SAINT KITTS & NEVIS

🇱🇨 SAINT LUCIA

🇻🇨 SAINT VINCENT & GRENADINES

🇸🇷 SURINAME

🇹🇹 TRINIDAD & TOBAGO

🇹🇨 TURKS & CAICOS ISLANDS

🇻🇬 US VIRGIN ISLANDS

🇺🇸 USA

EUROPE (UEFA)

🇦🇱 ALBANIA

🇦🇩 ANDORRA

🇦🇲 ARMENIA

🇦🇹 AUSTRIA

🇦🇿 AZERBAIJAN

🇧🇾 BELARUS

🇧🇪 BELGIUM

🇧🇦 BOSNIA & HERZEGOVINA

🇧🇬 BULGARIA

🇭🇷 CROATIA

🇨🇾 CYPRUS

🇨🇿 CZECH REPUBLIC

🇩🇰 DENMARK

☕️ ENGLAND

🇪🇪 ESTONIA

🇫🇴 FAROE ISLANDS

🇫🇮 FINLAND

🇫🇷 FRANCE

🇬🇪 GEORGIA

🇩🇪 GERMANY

🇬🇮 GIBRALTAR

🇬🇷 GREECE

🇭🇺 HUNGARY

🇮🇸 ICELAND

🇮🇪 IRELAND

🇮🇱 ISRAEL

🇮🇹 ITALY

🇰🇿 KAZAKHSTAN

🇽🇰 KOSOVO

🇱🇻 LATVIA

🇱🇮 LIECHTENSTEIN

🇱🇹 LITHUANIA

🇱🇺 LUXEMBOURG

🇲🇹 MALTA

🇲🇩 MOLDOVA

🇲🇪 MONTENEGRO

🇳🇱 NETHERLANDS

🇲🇰 NORTH MACEDONIA

🤚🏻 NORTHERN IRELAND

🇳🇴 NORWAY

🇵🇱 POLAND

🇵🇹 PORTUGAL

🇷🇴 ROMANIA

🇷🇺 RUSSIA*

🇸🇲 SAN MARINO

🥃 SCOTLAND

🇷🇸 SERBIA

🇸🇰 SLOVAKIA

🇸🇮 SLOVENIA

🇪🇸 SPAIN

🇸🇪 SWEDEN

🇨🇭 SWITZERLAND

🇹🇷 TÜRKIYE

🇺🇦 UKRAINE

🐉 WALES

*suspended

OCEANIA (OFC)

🇦🇸 AMERICAN SAMOA

🇨🇰 COOK ISLANDS

🇫🇯 FIJI

🇳🇨 NEW CALEDONIA

🇳🇿 NEW ZEALAND

🇵🇬 PAPUA NEW GUINEA

 🇼🇸 SAMOA

🇸🇧 SOLOMON ISLANDS

🇵🇫 TAHITI

🇹🇴 TONGA

🇻🇺 VANUATU

SOUTH AMERICA (CONMEBOL)

🇦🇷 ARGENTINA

🇧🇴 BOLIVIA

🇧🇷 BRAZIL

🇨🇱 CHILE

🇨🇴 COLOMBIA

🇪🇨 ECUADOR

🇵🇪 PERU

🇵🇾 PARAGUAY

🇺🇾 URUGUAY

🇻🇪 VENEZUELA