***I DON’T HAVE FIFA’S PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT TO USE, TALK, THINK OR EVEN YELL AT RANDOS FROM MY BALCONY ABOUT ANY NAMES, COUNTRIES OR EVENTS MENTIONED IN MY FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 COVERAGE, SO FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS FROM HERE ON IN, THE EVENT WILL BE REFERRED TO AS QLAMQTAR 2022.***
The Qlamqtar 2022 World Cup’s only about 11 moons away (depending on your own set of lunar circumstances), and the first ever World Cup held in the Arab world promises to be a real doozy. World Cup history is a tale resplendent with stories of triumph against the odds, childhood dreams coming true and unsung heroes becoming legends. As well as dumb idiot losers, wanker fuck ups and teams that are just total bullshit.
But how shall ye learn about these legends, losers and teams that are just total bullshit? Well look no further my wayward friend as I profile all 211 FIFA nations eligible for World Cup qualification. Today, I take a look at Grenada, which are yet to qualify for a World Cup.
GRENADA
Liming since 1934
Nickname: The Spice Boys
FIFA Ranking: 168 (Nov 2021)
FIFA World Cup 2022 Qualification result: Failed to qualify
In Grenada, if someone says they’re ‘liming’, it means they’re doing nothing. Chilling, relaxing, just hanging out. Incidentally this is also the strategy the national soccer team has employed since its first ever international against British Guiana 87 years ago. The Spice Boys have only qualified for the CONCACAF Gold Cup once, and they consistently underwhelm in World Cup qualifying, falling at the first round. However, with the recent coaching appointment of former Canada assistant manager Michael Findlay, who has already implemented a more professional and disciplined approach (above), the nation has every right to be optimistic about a better showing in qualifying for the 2026 World Cup.
One to watch: The Oil Down (the national dish)
Granada’s most famous dish–Oil down–is not just a meal, it’s a communal celebration. If someone’s making one, it means there’s a party. This typical Granadian stew has no set recipe and when making it, it’s typical for each person to bring an ingredient to add to the mix. And even though a typical oil down’s made up of coconut oil, carrots, cabbage, chicken dumplings, callaloo, shoes, peppers, turmeric, pizza, broccoli, nutmeg, lawngrass, onion, sugar packets, ceramic tiles, pigtail, leather, gravel, breadfruit, lobster, coins and garlic, if it’s your first time trying it, you’re gonna wanna make sure no one adds anything weird to the pot. Especially if you’re allergic.
The highpoint: Defeating Guyana 8-1 on aggregate, World Cup 2006 qualifying
Grenada’s first ever World Cup in came against South American opposition. It’s EPIC, MONSTER, WIN for the ages came over a rival from the world’s toughest confederation, CONMEBOL. MASSIVE. Okay, it was Guyana, but still, South America? Yes, South America!
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Nah, chupid. They liming.