Qlamqtar 2022 FIFA World Cup | Profile | COMOROS: Mm… Someone smells good!
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Qlamqtar 2022 FIFA World Cup | Profile | COMOROS: Mm… Someone smells good!

***I DON’T HAVE FIFA’S PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT TO USE, TALK, THINK OR EVEN YELL AT RANDOS FROM MY BALCONY ABOUT ANY NAMES, COUNTRIES OR EVENTS MENTIONED IN MY FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 COVERAGE, SO FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS FROM HERE ON IN, THE EVENT WILL BE REFERRED TO AS QLAMQTAR 2022.***

The Qlamqtar 2022 World Cup’s only about 11 moons away (depending on your own set of lunar circumstances),and the first ever World Cup held in the Arab world promises to be a real doozy. World Cup history is a tale resplendent with stories of triumph against the odds, childhood dreams coming true and unsung heroes becoming legends. As well as dumb idiot losers, wanker fuck ups and teams that are just total bullshit.

But how shall ye learn about these legends, losers and teams that are just total bullshit? Well look no further my wayward friend as I profile all 211 FIFA nations eligible for World Cup qualification. Today, I take a look at Comoros, who are yet to qualify for a World Cup.

Comoros had to change its flag in 2001 after it decorated the previous version like a total dork, spelling out the names of those it worships instead of using their representative monograms (even an idiot knows its ‘CR7’–who the hell says ‘Cristiano Ronaldo dos Santos Aveiro’??) Geez.

COMOROS
Mm… Someone smells good!

The Comoros national team in training

Nickname: The Coelacanths
FIFA Ranking: 132 (Nov 2021)
FIFA World Cup 2022 Qualification result: Failed to qualify

Comoros is the world’s largest producer of the essence of ylang ylang, the essential oil used in perfume manufacture. It’s also the second largest exporter of vanilla (Fuck you, Madagascar). So despite its diminutive stature and tiny population, it’s no surprise its confidence is skyhigh; no one smells better out there and they know it too. Even though they’re frequently getting shot down, the team’s always getting compliments on how good they smell. And while they can’t complain, Comoros is sick of answering the question ‘I love that perfume you’re wearing, what is it?’. The country and team can now finally heave a sigh of relief after the national team recently made history by qualifying for their first ever African Cup of Nations (the 2nd smallest nation to ever do so, after Cape Verde), meaning they’re finally going to be known for more than just its sexy musk.

One to watch: This mongoose lemur

Just take a look at this guy. Is it cute? Is it an idiotic nutjob? Who fucking knows. The mongoose lemur is found only on the island of Madagascar and its neighbouring archipelago of Comoros. But is that a good thing? I don’t know. Look at this fucking bugeyed idiot. Is it adorable? Is it disturbing? Does it want to give you a big hug or claw your eyes out and maul your face off like a goddamn psycho? Who fucking knows.

The highpoint: None, unless you’re a fan of draws

Comoros do know what winning is, but only at AFCON

Comoros is yet to win a game in its World Cup qualifying history (five campaigns since independence from France), but if you’re a fan of draws, than you’re not in the wrong place, because Comoros have FOUR so far! FOUR!

Learn the lingo & speak like a local!

The Comoros national team is largely made up of naturalised players born and raised abroad–Here, captain Nadjim Abdou shares a geographical fact about his homeland

Upcoming matches

AFRICAN CUP OF NATIONS CAMEROON 2021

10 Jan 2022
COMOROS 🇰🇲 x 🇬🇦 GABON

14 Jan 2022
MOROCCO 🇲🇦 x 🇰🇲 COMOROS

18 Jan 2022
GHANA 🇬🇭 x 🇰🇲 COMOROS

By: DavePosted on