***I DON’T HAVE FIFA’S PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT TO USE, TALK, THINK OR YELL AT RANDOS FROM MY BALCONY ABOUT ANY NAMES, COUNTRIES OR EVENTS MENTIONED IN MY FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 COVERAGE, SO FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS FROM HERE ON IN, THE EVENT WILL BE REFERRED TO AS QLAMQTAR 2022.***

The Qlamqtar 2022 world cup’s only about 14 moons away (depending on your own set of lunar circumstances and the first ever World Cup held in the Arab world promises to be a real doozy. World Cup history is a tale resplendent with stories of triumph against the odds, childhood dreams coming true and unsung heroes becoming legends. As well as dumb idiot losers, wanker fuck ups and teams that are just total bullshit.

But how shall ye learn about these legends, losers and teams that are just total bullshit? Well look no further my wayward friend as I profile all 211 FIFA nations eligible for World Cup qualification. Today, I take a look at Serbia, which has qualified for the World Cup 3 times (and an additional 10 times as either Yugoslavia or Serbia and Montenegro).

SERBIA
Trying to get Croatia to take them back since 1998

Nickname: Орлови / Оrlovi (The Eagles)
FIFA Ranking: 21 (October 2022)
FIFA World Cup 2022 Qualification result: Qualified

Ever since reentering the international soccer fold after its suspension from the 1994 World Cup, Serbia (or as “Serbia & Montenegro” or “Yugoslavia” or “Montenegro and Yugoslavia” or “The current Serbian republic of Yugoslavia” etc.) have only managed to progress past the round of 16 once, and exited at the group stage every other time. Meanwhile, Croatia, its former boo, or “partner in crime” as Serbia affectionately remembers it, has become one of international soccer’s powerhouses, making the 1998 World Cup semi-final in its first attempt and going all the way to the final in Russia in 2018. But that’s not the reason Serbia wants to get back together. That’s got nothing to do with it. It loves Croatia, it swears. And it would never do anything to hurt it again, it promises. It’s not the same country it was, baby. It swears. It swears.

One to watch: Croatia

It’s not about Serbia, Croatia. It’s about you Croatia. Serbia promises to give you all the attention you deserve Croatia because Serbia can’t keep its eyes off and it has never forgotten you Croatia. You light up a room whenever you enter, Croatia and Serbia only has eyes for you, Croatia. Please respond to Serbia’s texts Croatia. Serbia’s changed. It’s really changed, it swears.

The Highpoint: Seconds before Mjatovic’s penatly vs Netherlands, Round of 16, 1998 World Cup

At France 1998, and at its first World Cup without Croatian, Bosnian, Slovenian and Macedonian representation in its ranks, Yugoslavia were rolling after 2 wins and a draw in the group stage, which also included a 2-2 draw with Germany where it held a 2-0 lead. Dreams of a trip to Paris did not seem unrealistic for the powerhouse Yuogslavians, expecially when with the score 1-1 in the round of 16 against the Netherlands, Yugoslavia won a penalty. The ball could not have been in safer hands as 1998 FIFA Ballon d’or Predreag Mjatovic placed the ball on the spot, took a moment, then stormed in and lashed his penalty as hard as he could, straight down the middle of goal. The Netherlands’ goalkeeper Edwin van der Sar dived helplessly to one side, but Mjatovic’s pen slammed off the crossbar and out, denying Yugoslavia the lead late in the game. It was a costly miss as soon after, in injury time, the Netherlands scored, in the process eliminating the Yogsoslavians and closing the chapter on its goldne generation and most glorious period (on the field only, that is).

Learn the lingo & speak like a local!

Upcoming schedule

FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 | GROUP STAGE
24 Nov 2022
BRAZIL 🇧🇷 x 🇷🇸 SERBIA

28 Nov 2022
CAMEROON 🇨🇲 x 🇷🇸 SERBIA

2 Dec 2022
SERBIA 🇷🇸 x 🇨🇭 SWITZERLAND

—-

(Currently 2nd in Group A)

Oct 9
Luxembourg 🇱🇺  x 🇷🇸 Serbia

Oct 12
Serbia 🇷🇸 x 🇦🇿  Azerbaijan