***I DON’T HAVE FIFA’S PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT TO USE, TALK, THINK OR EVEN YELL AT RANDOS FROM MY BALCONY ABOUT ANY NAMES, COUNTRIES OR EVENTS MENTIONED IN MY FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 COVERAGE, SO FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS FROM HERE ON IN, THE EVENT WILL BE REFERRED TO AS QLAMQTAR 2022.***

The Qlamqtar 2022 World Cup is only about 3 moons away (depending on your own set of lunar circumstances) and the first ever World Cup held in the Arab world promises to be a real doozy. World Cup history is a tale resplendent with stories of triumph against the odds, childhood dreams coming true and unsung heroes becoming legends. As well as dumb idiot losers, wanker fuck ups and teams that are just total bullshit.

But how shall ye learn about these legends, losers and teams that are just total bullshit? Well look no further my wayward friend as I profile all 211 FIFA nations eligible for World Cup qualification. Today, I take a look at Honduras, who’ve qualified for the World Cup on three occasions: 1982, 2010 and 2014.

HONDURAS
Doing much better since switching from the 100-hour version of the sport to the 90-minute one

Nickname: Las Catrachos
FIFA Ranking: 80 (June 2022)
FIFA World Cup 2022 Qualification result: Failed to advance from CONCACAF third round (‘Octagonal’), finishing bottom of group

All things considered, the Honduras national team has been on a tear recently, and it’s all because in 1969, they bit the bullet after several defeats to El Salvador and decided to switch its efforts from the 100-hour format of the game to the more conventional 90-minute type.

Honduras’ decision to cross formats has payed dividends. Bigtime. Not only did its cessation of 100-hour football battles (particularly with El Salvador) result in far fewer military and civilian casualties and fewer hassles from those pesky Salvadorans, but ever since their switch, Honduras have won the Gold Cup (in 1981), eliminated Brazil as a guest in the 2001 Copa America (the year before the Seleção won the World Cup in Korea & Japan), and have not only qualified for the World Cup since, but done it three times (1982, 2006 and 2014).

Now, while Honduras got strafed and totally mowed down in all three of its World Cup appearances, finish last in their group all three times, it sure beats getting bombarded by Salvadoran commercial planes with missiles strapped to their sides as retaliation for racially motivated land reform laws that bordered on genocide.

(Only) one to watch: Carlo Costly’s goal at the 2014 World Cup, the ultimate example of ‘Fuck it, whatever, just pump it upfield and hope for the best’

Honduras’ goal against Ecuador at the 2014 FIFA World Cup was the country’s first since the 1982 tournament in Spain. Aside from putting Los Catrochos ahead, Carlo Costly’s 31st minute strike went to show that if you just boot the ball way upfield hoping for the best or just because you haven’t got a better idea, you never know what can happen.

The Highpoint: Qualified for the World Cup three times

Yeah, so they did that, but the less said about what happened after, the better….

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Upcoming matches

BULLSHIT FRIENDLIES
24 September 2022
HONDURAS 🇭🇳 x 🇸🇻 EL SALVADOR

27 September 2022
GUATEMALA 🇬🇹 x 🇭🇳 HONDURAS

30 September 2022
SAUDI ARABIA 🇸🇦 x 🇭🇳 HONDURAS

CONCACAF NATIONS LEAGUE & CONCACAF GOLD CUP 2023 QUALIFYING
28 March 2022
CANADA 🇨🇦 x 🇭🇳 HONDURAS