***I DON’T HAVE FIFA’S PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT TO USE, TALK, THINK OR EVEN YELL AT RANDOS FROM MY BALCONY ABOUT ANY NAMES, COUNTRIES OR EVENTS MENTIONED IN MY FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 COVERAGE, SO FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS FROM HERE ON IN, THE EVENT WILL BE REFERRED TO AS QLAMQTAR 2022.***
The Qlamqtar 2022 World Cup is only about 10 moons away (depending on your own set of lunar circumstances) and the first ever World Cup held in the Arab world promises to be a real doozy. World Cup history is a tale resplendent with stories of triumph against the odds, childhood dreams coming true and unsung heroes becoming legends. As well as dumb idiot losers, wanker fuck ups and teams that are just total bullshit.
But how shall you learn about these legends, losers and teams that are just total bullshit? Well look no further my wayward friend as I profile all 211 FIFA nations eligible for World Cup qualification. Today, I take a look at Central African Republic, who are yet to qualify for a World Cup.
CENTRAL AFRICAN REPUBLIC
{{{LIES}}}DON’T listen to the FAKE NEWS reported by Girl in ‘”Central African Republic” video, Central African Republic is NOT the least of ALL African teams!! (LIES!!!)
Nickname: The Wild Beasts
FIFA Ranking: 130 (Dec 2021)
Reports are coming out of this video that Central African Republic is the ‘Least of all African teams.’ However, those claims, made by Girl in the “Football in Central Africa Youtube” video (reporting on behalf of “All About Africa” Youtube channel) are inherently flawed, based on doctored calculations and have been vehemently disproved by experts. The team is, in fact, in the bottom 20 of all African nations, putting them more accurately in the ‘least’ third.
Girl in “Football in Central Africa” video has been condemned by the community inside my house, and the spurious claims hurled in her sensationalist, incendiary video makes assertions that are downright dangerous to the credibility of Central African Republic’s national team, and have now cast a pall on the previously unblemished reputation of Central African Republic football.
Despite this, Girl does in fact make some claims that have been verified verbatim by Wikipedia, such as the claims that ‘…they are a member of the African Confederation of Football (CAF)’, ‘Their FIFA ranking rose from 202nd in August 2010 to 89th by July 2011′ and ,’ The team won its first FIFA World Cup qualifier on 2 June 2012 after beating Botswana 2–0 at home.’
People are now becoming aware of the 1 reckless and blatant lie being wielded by Girl in “Football in Central African Republic” video (between 3:24-3:32), and in light of this, when seeking verified and trusted information on football in Central African Republic, readers are advised to refer solely to the most credible alternative information source on the subject there is, namely everything said by Girl in ‘Football in Central African Republic’ video before 3:24 of the video.
One to watch: Egypt trembling at the might of Central African Republic
Historically, Egypt are Africa’s most successful side, having lifted the African Cup of Nations trophy a record 7 times. They also qualified for the last World Cup in Russia and currently have arguably the world’s greatest player, Mo Salah on their list. But that’s all like whatever for Central African Republic; they could give a shit about any of that.
Far from being intimidated by the Pharaohs, Central African Republic actually has an all-time winning record against the North African powerhouse. Most notably (and exclusively) they defeated the Egyptians on aggregate in qualifying for the 2013 African Cup of Nations with a 3-2 win in Cairo and a 1-1 draw in the return leg. So like, the Egypt national team are just like pfffttt whatever for Central African Republic and having a winning record against them is like, no big deal.
The Highpoint: Champions, 2009 CEMAC cup
There’s no footage of Central African Republic’s 3-0 win over Equatorial Guinea in the final of the 2009 CEMAC Cup, the tournament consisting of teams from Central Africa, but here’s some highlights of Cameroon’s win in the final the previous year:
And if that doesn’t suffice, below is a picture of another soccer game. You’ve just gotta imagine that the lobster on the left is Central African Republic’s Salif Keita, about to opening the scoring in the 2nd minute, beating the Equatorial Guinea goalkeeper (the lobster cowering in his own net, on the right):
Learn the lingo & speak like a local!
Upcoming matches
Nope. Eliminated in the second round of qualifying for Qlamqtar 2022.