***I DON’T HAVE FIFA’S PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT TO USE, TALK, THINK OR EVEN YELL AT RANDOS FROM MY BALCONY ABOUT ANY NAMES, COUNTRIES OR EVENTS MENTIONED IN MY FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 COVERAGE, SO FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS FROM HERE ON IN, THE EVENT WILL BE REFERRED TO AS QLAMQTAR 2022.***

The Qlamqtar 2022 World Cup is only about two moons away (depending on your own set of lunar circumstances) and the first ever World Cup held in the Arab world promises to be a real doozy. World Cup history is a tale resplendent with stories of triumph against the odds, childhood dreams coming true and unsung heroes becoming legends. As well as dumb idiot losers, wanker fuck ups and teams that are just total bullshit.

But how shall ye learn about these legends, losers and teams that are just total bullshit? Well look no further my wayward friend as I profile all 211 FIFA nations eligible for World Cup qualification. Today, I take a look at Belgium, which has qualified for the World Cup 14 times.

BELGIUM
Currently enjoying its golden flop generation

Nickname: The Red Devils
FIFA Ranking: 2 (August 2022)
FIFA World Cup 2022 Qualification result: Qualified, top of group ahead of Wales, Czech Republic, Estonia and Belarus

Historically, the Belgium national team have always been there or there abouts flopping in international football tournaments. But nothing’s ever compared to the current batch of flops flopping in this golden generation of Belgian flops.

Since Belgium first flopped at the 1930 World Cup, it’s flopped at a further 12 World Cups. Flopping in the group stage on five occasions, the round of 16 five times, the quarter finals once and the semis twice, there is little doubt over which generation of players is truly the golden flop generation.

Belgium’s current squad includes former Premier League Player of the Season Eden Hazard, 2019-20 UEFA Champions League Midfielder of the Year and quite possibly the world’s most talented midfielder Kevin DeBruyne, one of the world’s best goalkeepers Thibault Courtois, and not to mentionh Romelu Lukaku, arguably the world’s greatest flop striker. Yet despite wielding such immense weaponry in its arsenal of flops, the Red Devils have nothing to show for their efforts apart from the most sought after prize for flops in world football, the World Cup 3rd place playoff (see below). All eyes now turn to Qatar in November, in order to see if this golden generation of flops can possibly continue their dominant flop run and bring back to Belgium one more flop for its devoted fans of flops.

One to watch: The #1 World Cup moment involving Belgium

Belgium’s Red Devils have reached some impressive heights at the World Cup–most notably third place four years ago–but given the talent they’ve had at their disposal, a few semi-finals here and there and zero appearances in a final of the World Cup (or even a Euros) is nothing to write home about. But there is one thing that was worth the Belgians writing home about from the World Cup and it came in the United States in 1994.

Yep, that goal. It was Belgium that Saudi Arabia’s Saeed Al-Owairan scored that goal against at the 1994 World Cup. Belgium. Wow. WHAT. A. MOMENT. The goal was one of the greatest (if not the greatest) in World Cup history, but it couldn’t have happened without Belgium. Although the Belgians didn’t touch the ball even once in the build-up to the goal, in accordance with the laws of the game, every match of association football requires two teams to be fielded in order for it to take place, and without Belgium being present on the field at the time, this goal could never have happened!

The Highpoint: Third place, 2018 World Cup

There’s one award at the World Cup that is even more coveted than the FIFA Fair Play Award, and that award is third place. The final four teams that clash in the semi-finals all compete with one goal in mind: to play in that second last match of the World Cup. It’s a story as old as sports itself and everyone knows that it’s the second last match of every major sports event that’s the true final, not the final itself. And in 2018, after defeating Brazil, and then successfully losing to France in the semis, it was Belgium who took home the holiest of grails, apparently defeating England in the third place playoff. Don’t know really, details of the match are sketchy because I didn’t watch it and neither did anyone else in the world because why would ya, but here, check out the highlights and let me know what happened and what the score was!

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Upcoming matches

BULLSHIT FRIENDLIES
15 Nov 2022
IRAQ 🇮🇶 x 🇧🇪 BELGIUM

18 Nov 2022
BELGIUM 🇧🇪 x 🇪🇬 EGYPT

FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 | GROUP STAGE
23 Nov 2022
BELGIUM 🇧🇪 x 🇨🇦 CANADA

27 Nov 2022
BELGIUM 🇧🇪 x 🇲🇦 MOROCCO

1 Dec 2022
CROATIA 🇭🇷 x 🇧🇪 BELGIUM