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Qlamqtar 2022 FIFA World Cup | Profile | GIBRALTAR: Fresh Meat

***I DON’T HAVE FIFA’S PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT TO USE, TALK, THINK OR EVEN YELL AT RANDOS FROM MY BALCONY ABOUT ANY NAMES, COUNTRIES OR EVENTS MENTIONED IN MY FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 COVERAGE, SO FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS FROM HERE ON IN, THE EVENT WILL BE REFERRED TO AS QLAMQTAR 2022.***

The Qlamqtar 2022 World Cup is only about one moon away (depending on your own set of lunar circumstances) and the first ever World Cup held in the Arab world promises to be a real doozy. World Cup history is a tale resplendent with stories of triumph against the odds, childhood dreams coming true and unsung heroes becoming legends. As well as dumb idiot losers, wanker fuck ups and teams that are just total bullshit.

But how shall ye learn about these legends, losers and teams that are just total bullshit? Well look no further my wayward friend as I profile all 211 FIFA nations eligible for World Cup qualification. Today, I take a look at Gibraltar, which is yet to qualify for a World Cup.

The key on Gibraltar’s flag represents the key to its defence, which only three nationals teams have not had a copy of

GIBRALTAR
Fresh Meat

Nickname: Team 54[1]/Los Llanis
FIFA Ranking: 204 (October 2022)

FIFA World Cup 2022 Qualification result: Failed to advance from group stage (UEFA) finishing below Netherlands, Turkey, Norway, Montenegro and Latvia

In May 2016, Gibraltar entered the FIFA fold as fresh meat, becoming the 211th and newest team to become a FIFA member. While the national football association dates back to 1895, it took Gibraltar over a century to be finally accepted into FIFA. However, the 210 other countries are thrilled to have some fresh meat to devour.

Finally having its membership accepted just prior to the 2018 World Cup qualification, the 210 other FIFA national teams were thrilled to have some fresh meat to devour, and devour them is what they’ve done, with Gibraltar still waiting to get its forst point in World Cup qualifying, losing all 20 matches its played.

While it’s still looking for its first ever World Cup, Gibraltar has still managed something in its scant six years a FIFA member association that San Marino hasn’t in its 34–a win in a competitive fixture. Notching up its maiden W away in Armenia in the 2019-2020 UEFA Nations League (below), and its done it another 3 times (including a landmark 1-1 draw with 1994 World Cup 4th placed Bulgaria.

For fresh meat, and for only six years at this point, Gibraltar have outdone itself. And with four competitive match wins already, not everyone’s had a taste of this fresh meat.

One to watch: That you don’t kick the ball out

Among all 211 members of FIFA, Gibraltar is the smallest country by landmass. So with an area of only 7 km², you better watch that you don’t kick the ball out of the field of play. Keep your shots down, don’t just boot it wherever, pump it into row Z, nothing, just keep it on the carpet, because if you don’t, that ball is sailing either into the Mediterranean Sea or worse, into Spain, who bitched and whined when they had to give the tiny patch of land to the British, so they’re definitely not gonna give you your football back.

The Highpoint: Its first ever competitive win, October 2018

Hey San Marino, you listening? This is how it’s done. Bang. Competitive match win-done.

Okay, so it’s not a World Cup win, but Armenia aren’t no pushovers. Remember Mkhitaryan? That guy fucken played for Manchester United. And now’s he at Inter. Yeah, Gibraltar knocked over that country that Mkhitaryan is from. And they’ve rolled Liechtenstein (twice) and, you guessed it, San… Marino. Poor San Marino. Don’t worry, chins up, fellas!

Learn the lingo & speak like a local!

Among FIFA’s 54 European member nations, Gibraltar is the only place where making monkey sounds is not fucked up

Upcoming matches

UEFA EURO 2024 QUALIFYING | GROUP STAGE
23 March 2023
GIBRALTAR 🇬🇮 x 🇬🇷 GREECE