***I DON’T HAVE FIFA’S PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT TO USE, TALK, THINK OR EVEN YELL AT RANDOS FROM MY BALCONY ABOUT ANY NAMES, COUNTRIES OR EVENTS MENTIONED IN MY FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 COVERAGE, SO FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS FROM HERE ON IN, THE EVENT WILL BE REFERRED TO AS QLAMQTAR 2022.***

The Qlamqtar 2022 World Cup’s only about 11 moons away (depending on your own set of lunar circumstances), and the first ever World Cup held in the Arab world promises to be a real doozy. World Cup history is a tale resplendent with stories of triumph against the odds, childhood dreams coming true and unsung heroes becoming legends. As well as dumb idiot losers, wanker fuck ups and teams that are just total bullshit.

But how shall ye learn about these legends, losers and teams that are just total bullshit? Well look no further my wayward friend as I profile all 211 FIFA nations eligible for World Cup qualification. Today, I take a look at Tunisia, who have qualified for the World Cup five times in their history.

TUNISIA
Maybe a robot’s what we need to get past the group stage?

Nickname: The Eagles of Carthage
FIFA Ranking: 29 (Nov 2021)
FIFA World Cup 2022 Qualification result: Qualified

During its first COVID-19 lockdown in March 2020, Tunisian police deployed a remotely controlled robot to patrol the streets of Tunis and enforce stay-at-home orders. The robocop stopped any citizens found on the street and ordered them to present valid documentation justifying why they left their homes. The robot performed its duties so competently that its left Tunisians wondering whether the robot could be assigned to other tasks, such as goalkeeping and doing a decent enough job to help Tunisia finally advance out of the group stage at a World Cup Finals. The Eagles of Carthage haven’t kept a clean sheet at a World Cup Finals since 1978 and although Tunisia’s COVID robot is criticised for its lack of quickness and slow reaction time, maybe playing a differential wheeled robot in goal is exactly what’s needed. Tunisia are past the point of judging what works and doesn’t. It’s Hail Mary time.

One to watch: The 2026 World Cup

To be seen as a righteous soccer team by the soccer god, Footbolk, every national soccer team must make a pilgrimage to the most holiest of territories, the second round of the World Cup. However, Tunisian tradition states that seven trips to the World Cup Finals without advancing to the second round are sufficient and equivalent to one regular trip to the second round. Though not quite the same as making a trip all the way to the final, stay tuned, because after the Eagles of Carthage qualify and fail at the group stages of the 2022 and 2026 World Cups, they’ll then have officially completed the fifth pillar of Soccer and in turn have eternally pleased The Bestower of 3 Points.

The highpoint: A bunch of exactly the same results

Tunisia have successfully reached the World Cup five times, and five times they have successfully been bundled out at the group stage. Noice.

Learn the lingo & speak like a local!

Upcoming matches

WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 | GROUP STAGE
22 Nov 2022
DENMARK 🇩🇰 x 🇹🇳 TUNISIA

26 Nov 2022
TUNISIA 🇹🇳 x 🇦🇺 AUSTRALIA

30 Nov 2022
TUNISIA 🇹🇳 x 🇫🇷 FRANCE

—–

FIFA ARAB CUP QATAR 2021 – FINAL
Dec 18, 2021
TUNISIA 🇹🇳 x 🇩🇿 ALGERIA

AFRICAN CUP OF NATIONS CAMEROON 2021
Jan 12, 2022
TUNISIA 🇹🇳 x 🇲🇱 MALI

Jan 16, 2022
TUNISIA 🇹🇳 x 🇲🇷 MAURITANIA

Jan 20, 2022
GAMBIA 🇬🇲 x 🇹🇳 TUNISIA