***I DON’T HAVE FIFA’S PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT TO USE, TALK, THINK OR YELL AT RANDOS FROM MY BALCONY ABOUT ANY NAMES, COUNTRIES OR EVENTS MENTIONED IN MY FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 COVERAGE, SO FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS FROM HERE ON IN, THE EVENT WILL BE REFERRED TO AS QLAMQTAR 2022.***
The Qlamqtar 2022 World Cup’ only about 14 moons away (depending on your own set of lunar circumstances), and the first ever World Cup held in the Arab world promises to be a real doozy. World Cup history is a tale resplendent with stories of triumph against the odds, childhood dreams coming true and unsung heroes becoming legends. As well as dumb idiot losers, wanker fuck ups and teams that are just total bullshit.
But how shall ye learn about these legends, losers and teams that are just total bullshit? Well look no further my wayward friend as I profile all 211 FIFA nations eligible for World Cup qualification. Today, I take a look at Mexico, which has taken part at the World Cup 16 times.
MEXICO
Big fans of the 2-week World Cup idea
Nickname: El Tri
FIFA Ranking: 13 (October 2022)
FIFA World Cup 2022 Qualification result: Qualified
El Tri have lost at the second round stage of the world cup at the last seven editions. Could they do it again? If you love a good laugh, then hopefully yes, because shit that would be funny to see one more time.
One to watch: The referee
After 2010 and 2014 in particular, how will the ref screw over the Mexican this time? Anything’s possible so why don’t you make a game of it! Obvious handball not given? Statistical error that results in the officials accidentally using the American football scoring system resulting in Mexico losing 48-3? Ignoring the fact the other team fielded an ineligible robot? The possibilities are endless!
THe Highpoint: El quinto partido (but not for fucking ages)
Mexicans hate los cuartos partidos or “fourth matches”. Can’t stand them. And it’s the mythical el quinto partido (“fifth match”), i.e., reaching the quarter finals of a World Cup that is the white whale that the Mexico have only managed to reach twice in World Cup history, but never at a tournament off its own shores. Hosting the tournament in 1970 and 1986, the Mexicans managed reach the round-of-16 on both occasions, in the process getting over the round of 16 hurdle, and reach the quarters (before losing and failing to reach the semis).
These days however, the Mexicans simply are unable to reach the promised land of a much-exalted fifth match, failing in seven consecutive World Cups at exactly the same obstacle–the boring ass ‘fourth match’, a match which Mexico is just so over. At the round of 16 at USA 1994, Mexico was eliminated by Bulgaria on penalties, in 1998 it was a 2-1 loss to Germany at the same stage, then it was 2-0 to USA in 2002, then El Tri got ousted by Argentina in 2006, by Argentina in absolute debacle again four years later (see above), Netherlands in 2014 and then most recently in Russia in 2018, where it was knocked out 2-0 by Brazil. Let us pray to the Aztec gods for quinto partido in Qatar (let us pray).
Learn the lingo & Speak like a local!
Upcoming schedule
BULLSHIT FRIENDLIES (THAT I’M FUCKING GOING TO, FUCKING C’MONNNNNNN)
9 Nov 2022
MEXICO 🇲🇽 x 🇮🇶 IRAQ
16 Nov 2022
MEXICO 🇲🇽 x 🇸🇪 SWEDEN
WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 | GROUP STAGE
22 Nov 2022
MEXICO 🇲🇽 x 🇵🇱 POLAND
26 Nov 2022
ARGENTINA 🇦🇷 x 🇲🇽 MEXICO
30 Nov 2022
SAUDI ARABIA 🇸🇦 x 🇲🇽 MEXICO
CONCACAF World Cup Qualifying (Final round)
Oct 8, 2021
MEXICO 🇲🇽 x 🇨🇦 CANADA
Oct 11, 2021
MEXICO 🇲🇽 x 🇭🇳 HONDURAS
Oct 14, 2021
EL SALVADOR 🇸🇻 x 🇲🇽MEXICO