***I DON’T HAVE FIFA’S PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT TO USE, TALK, THINK OR EVEN YELL FROM MY BALCONY ABOUT ANY NAMES, COUNTRIES OR EVENTS MENTIONED IN MY FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 COVERAGE, SO FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS FROM HERE ON IN, THE EVENT WILL BE REFERRED TO AS QLAMQTAR 2022.***
The Qlamqtar 2022 World Cup’s only about 11 moons away (depending on your own set of lunar circumstances) and the first ever World Cup held in the Arab world promises to be a real doozy. World Cup history is a tale resplendent with stories of triumph against the odds, childhood dreams coming true and unsung heroes becoming legends. As well as dumb idiot losers, wanker fuck ups and teams that are just total bullshit.
But how shall ye learn about these legends, losers and teams that are just total bullshit? Well look no further my wayward friend as I profile all 211 FIFA nations eligible for World Cup qualification. Today, I take a look at Jordan, who are yet to qualify for a World Cup,
JORDAN
Honouring the brave shahids who honourably lost their world cup hopes to the cyan enemy in 2013
Nickname: The Chivalrous
FIFA Ranking: 91 (Nov 2021)
On November 13th, 2013, a total of 17,370 people (most of them Jordanians) attended Amman International Stadium to see Jordan hopefully take a major step towards qualification for the 2014 World Cup in Brazil. Buoyed by its recent defeat of Uzbekistan in the Asian playoff, civilians innocently sat and watched as suddenly, in a 90-minute indiscriminate bombardment, their hopes of qualifying for the country’s first ever World Cup were killed, in a series of five decisive strikes by the eternal cyan enemy Uruguay. The majority of children’s, families’, and staff and players’ hopes were killed that night, with the remainder wounded (all of which would die a week later). The nation’s soccer team are yet to recover from the tragic event and to this day, children grow up dreaming of avenging the loss of those world cup dreams and exacting brutal vengeance on the cyan enemy.
One to watch: Anyone wearing the light blue colours of its eternal enemy
Locals strongly advise to stay clear of anyone adorned in light blue, drinking Matcha tea or openly praying to their God Luis Suarez. These are the signs of their oppressor, the Cyan enemy who annihilated their 2014 World Cup dreams and to this day continue to occupy their nightmares.
The highpoint: Losing intercontinental playoff, World Cup 2014
Bloody Uruguay. Fucking pricks. Bunch of assholes.
Learn the lingo & speak like a local!
Upcoming matches
FIFA ARAB CUP QATAR 2021
Dec 7
JORDAN 🇯🇴 x 🇵🇸 PALESTINE
Dec 11
ALGERIA 🇩🇿 /EGYPT 🇪🇬 x 🇯🇴 JORDAN