***I DON’T HAVE FIFA’S PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT TO USE, TALK, THINK OR EVEN YELL AT RANDOS FROM MY BALCONY ABOUT ANY NAMES, COUNTRIES OR EVENTS MENTIONED IN MY FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 COVERAGE, SO FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS FROM HERE ON IN, THE EVENT WILL BE REFERRED TO AS QLAMQTAR 2022.***
The Qlamqtar 2022 World Cup’s only about 14 moons away (depending on your own set of lunar circumstances), and the first ever World Cup held in the Arab world promises to be a real doozy. World Cup history is a tale resplendent with stories of triumph against the odds, childhood dreams coming true and unsung heroes becoming legends. As well as dumb idiot losers, wanker fuck ups and teams that are just total bullshit.
But how shall ye learn about these legends, losers and teams that are just total bullshit? Well look no further my wayward friend as I profile all 211 FIFA nations eligible for World Cup qualification. Today, I take a look at Macau, which is yet to qualify for the World Cup.
MACAU
All-in
Nickname: Selecção do Lótus (The Lotus’ Team)/Verdes (The Greens)
FIFA Ranking: 182 (October 2022)
FIFA World Cup 2022 Qualification result: Failed to qualify
Despite realizing that the house (China) always wins, “Macau Team”, are still sure that a huge win is just around the corner. Macau bowed out of World Cup qualifying in the first round after blowing it against Sri Lanka. But just because they’ve taken a huge hit and lost a bunch, they’re still confident that they just need to play one more time, get that huge payout and then quit. Macau swears. It can feel it. It’s just going to try a new machine but it’s got a good feeling about that one over there.
One to watch: This guy
This guy. I think he might be counting cards. When it comes to Macau, keep an eye on this guy. He may be Macau’s most dangerous threat.
The highpoint: Defeating Sri Lanka and then checking out due not wanting to fuck with Islamic terrorist suicide bombings
In 2019, Macau defeated Sri Lanka 1-0 at home in the first round of Asian qualifiers for the 2022 World Cup, putting them on the verge of qualifying for the second round of qualifying for the first ever time. However, citing security concerns from the recent terrorist bombings in Sri Lanka, wrote a letter to the confederation’s governing body expressing their refusal to travel for the second leg in Colombo, and requesting the match be rescheduled at a later date. And even though such nice words as ‘Football is far too big and too beautiful to be played in the office. The field is where is should be played between the most valuable assets that it has, the players!’, their request was denied and Sri Lanka was awarded a 3-0 victory by walkover, which took them through to the next round, at Macau’s expense.
But on the plus side, non of the players got exploded into pieces by a suicide bomber, so that’s almost as good as advancing in the World Cup.
Learn the lingo & speak like a local!
Learn the lingo & speak like a local!
None. Fucked up by losing to Sri Lanka in the first round of AFC qualifying in 2019.