Dave Martin | Sports + stupidity ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
SUNSHINE COAST, AUSTRALIA– In a study published this morning in the Australia Journal of Science, scientists’ initial findings that ‘HOLY FUCKING SHIT FUCK ME FUCK ON PISS AND SHIT ON DICK’ were unfounded. Area man Dave Martin had been preparing his application for his dream job with American news source The Onion for weeks, and last night, 11pm Australian time, as…
By Albert Camus Hey Freddie Mercury, You know what, fuck you. Bohemian Rhapsody is fucking cool and all, but your attempt at making a musical version of my book The Outsider is not bad and all, but man, you fucked up the timeline. Seriously dude…: Mama, just killed a man Put a gun against his head Pulled my trigger, now he’s dead…
CHULA VISTA, CA–Area Man, Tarek Shearer, 41, has suffered a disappointing loss in the middle stages of his life, losing 110-77 to Pancreatic Cancer. The disease’s comprehensive victory was lead by 33 points and 12 rebounds from Metastasis, 18 points on 7/8 from the field with 5 assists from Healthy Cell Metabolism and 4 blocks, 16 rebounds with 0 turnovers from Inactivation of Tumor…
Getting conceived as a result of your mother and father making the naked sex into each other, and then being pushed through your mum’s cervix and eventually expelled out her vagina nine months later is fine and all, but the problem with it all, and the whole being-alive thing, is that we have to wait so goddamn long till our life…
It is a fortune that may befall anybody. And this misfortune has befallen me. The only is how best to endure the situation. Any shitty thing that can happen can happen to you. But if any shitty thing that can happen can happen to you, then it’s likely that a similarly shitty thing has happened to somebody before (and probably…
After it was confirmed earlier this week that everybody on planet earth had quit smoking, CEO of Nicorette’s ownership company GlaxoSmithKline, Emma Walmsley announced Friday that the company is releasing a range of Mild, Extra Mild and Menthol cigarettes on to the market. They will be available from early 2019. Commenting on the exciting new products, Walmsley reached out to…
“JERUSALEM,” “ISRAEL”– “President” “of” “Israel”, “Benjamin” “Netanyahu” “declared” “that” “his” “country” “is” “receptive” “to” “the” “idea” “of” “peace” “between” “Israel” “and” “Palestinians”. “The” “news” “comes” “after” “Netanyahu” “and” “his” “cabinet” “ministers” “visited” “Golan” Heights”, “Israel’s” “northern” “border” “overlooking” “Syria”. “Netanyahu’s” “compassionate” “claim” “regarding” “peace” “between” “Palestinians” “and” “his” “Israeli” “countrymen” “shows” “that” “Israel” “does” “in” “fact” “want” “peace” “with” “its” “neighbours” “in”…
Get ready to hear something you already know, because scientists have proved that all bad things that ever happen only happen to you. According to a new study published in American Journal of Science, it was found that you, your age, and from where you’re from, are the only person in the world that has bad things happen to them. After an…