An Open Letter From Albert Camus To Freddie Mercury: “Thanks For Making A Musical Version Of The Outsider With Bohemian Rhapsody, But Dude, Have You Actually Even Read It? Because You Totally Screwed Up Its Timeline.”

By Albert Camus

Hey Freddie Mercury,

You know what, fuck you. Bohemian Rhapsody is fucking cool and all, but your attempt at making a musical version of my book The Outsider is not bad and all, but man, you fucked up the timeline.

Seriously dude…:

Mama, just killed a man
Put a gun against his head
Pulled my trigger, now he’s dead
Mama, life had just begun
But now I’ve gone and thrown it all away

Man, do you even know when Meursault’s mum dies? Dude.

I mean, what about this shit?

Too late, my time has come
Sends shivers down my spine
Body’s aching all the time
Goodbye, everybody, I’ve got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth

Mama, ooh (any way the wind blows)
I don’t wanna die,
I sometimes wish I’d never been born at all

Or this?:

Nothing really matters
Anyone can see
Nothing really matters
Nothing really matters to me

Any way the wind blows

Fuck, dude. That’s super cool, but the order you put it all in… that needs some attention.

One thing though, I don’t know what this is:

Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango?
Thunderbolt and lightning
Very, very frightening me
(Galileo) Galileo
(Galileo) Galileo
Galileo Figaro
Magnifico-o-o-o-o

That has nothing to do with me.

Thanks Freddie Mercury. But check your letter box, I’ll send you a copy of the book. And this time, can you read it from page 1 to the end in ascending order and not some fucked up Freddie Mercury style of reading? Cheers.