Qlamqtar 2022 FIFA World Cup | Profile | SPAIN: ¡BANG! ¡FUCKING BOOM! MOSTLY JUST FUCKING NOISE ¡BOOM! ¡BOOM! ¡FUCKING BANG! ¡CRACK! ¡POP! ¡BOOM! ¡FUCKING CUNTS!
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Qlamqtar 2022 FIFA World Cup | Profile | SPAIN: ¡BANG! ¡FUCKING BOOM! MOSTLY JUST FUCKING NOISE ¡BOOM! ¡BOOM! ¡FUCKING BANG! ¡CRACK! ¡POP! ¡BOOM! ¡FUCKING CUNTS!

***I DON’T HAVE FIFA’S PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT TO USE, TALK, THINK OR EVEN YELL AT RANDOS FROM MY BALCONY ABOUT ANY NAMES, COUNTRIES OR EVENTS MENTIONED IN MY FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 COVERAGE, SO FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS FROM HERE ON IN, THE EVENT WILL BE REFERRED TO AS QLAMQTAR 2022.***

The Qlamqtar 2022 World Cup is only about two moons away (depending on your own set of lunar circumstances) and the first ever World Cup held in the Arab world promises to be a real doozy. World Cup history is a tale resplendent with stories of triumph against the odds, childhood dreams coming true and unsung heroes becoming legends. As well as dumb idiot losers, wanker fuck ups and teams that are just total bullshit.

But how shall ye learn about these legends, losers and teams that are just total bullshit? Well look no further my wayward friend as I profile all 211 FIFA nations eligible for World Cup qualification. Today, I take a look at Spain, which has qualified for the World Cup 16 times, winning it in 2010.

Normally, Catalans and Basques do not recognise the legitimacy of this flag, except for in international football, where they suddenly have nothing against it

SPAIN
¡BANG! ¡FUCKING BOOM! MOSTLY JUST FUCKING NOISE ¡BOOM! ¡BOOM! ¡FUCKING BANG! ¡POP!¡CRACK! ¡BOOM!

The 2010 World Cup was the first time in history that Spain made some fucking noise for a valid reason

Nickname: La Roja
FIFA Ranking: 6 (August 2022)
FIFA World Cup 2022 Qualification result: Qualified, top of group (UEFA) finishing above Sweden, Greece, Georgia and Kosovo

HAVING APPEARED AT ¡BANG! SIXTEEN OUT OF THE TOURNAMENT’S 22 EDITIONS, SPAIN ARE ONE OF THE ¡FUCKING BOOM! PERENNIAL FAVOURITES AT EVERY WORLD CUP ¡FUCKING CRACK! ¡CRACK! ¡CRACK! POP! HOWEVER, ¡POP! ¡CRACK! ¡BOOM! ¡BOOM! (CHEERING AND UNINTELLIGIBLE SHOUTING)!, SETTING ASIDE A DEVASTATING SPELL FROM 2008-2012 THAT BROUGHT THEM ¡FUCKING POP! ¡BOOM! ¡FUCKING BOOM! THEIR FIRST EVER WORLD CUP, SPAIN HAS JUST BEEN NOTHING OTHER THAN A WHOLE LOT OF NOISE.

Does the Sound of Firecrackers Traumatise your Dog and Do Your Fucking Head In? Use the Sliders to Jam a Bunch of The Cunts In Every Fucking Orifice Of Some Fucking Dumb Cunt Who’s Lighting One!
Here’s an example of Spain’s bullshit noise and what you can do about it

DESPITE BEING ONE OF INTERNATIONAL FOOTBALL’S HEAVYWEIGHTS, PRIOR TO ¡BOOM! (CHEERING IN THE DISTANCE, SPONTANEOUS MELEE BREAKING OUT) ¡POP! ¡CRACK! ¡BOOM! ¡BOOM! THEIR 2010 TRIUMPH, SPAIN ACTUALLY HADN’T EVEN PROGRESSED PAST THE QUARTER-FINALS, HAVING REACHED THE STAGE THREE TIMES IN THE 10 PRIOR EDITIONS ¡BOOM! ¡CRACK!, WITH THE REMAINDER A MIX OF DISAPPOINTING UNDERACHIEVING ROUND OF 16, (RANDOM CUNTS SCREAMING OUTSIDE) SECOND ROUND OR GROUP STAGE EXITS.

Nigeria shut Spain the fuck up in the 1998 World Cup, defeating them 3-2

ARGUABLY LA ROJA’S DARKEST HOUR CAME AT THE 1982 WORLD CUP, A TOURNAMENT WHICH THEY WERE HOSTING FOR THE FIRST TIME. PLAGUED WITH CONTROVERSY, MISMANAGEMENT AND DISORGANISATION, THE EVENT ITSELF MIRRORED THE HOST’S CAMPAIGN, AND AFTER SPAIN ¡FUCKING BOOM! JUST SCRAPED THROUGH THE FIRST ROUND IN SECOND PLACE BEHIND NORTHERN IRELAND AND THEN WERE WOEFULLY KNOCKED OUT IN THE FOLLOWING ROUND ¡BANG! ¡FUCKING BANG! AFTER A PAIR OF LACKLUSTRE OUTINGS AGAINST FRANCE AND ENGLAND. THE ONLY HIGHLIGHT EMERGING FROM THE TOURNAMENT WAS THE FACT THAT IT DIDN’T KILL ITS TEAM DOCTOR AFTER TOSSING HIM IN THE AIR WHILE CELEBRATING A VICTORY (THOUGH THEY DID BREAK HIS LEG), AND DELIGHTFUL NARANJITO, THE OFFICIAL MASCOT OF THE 1982 WORLD CUP.

This giant SILENT orange with legs that was the official mascot of the 1982 World Cup in Spain was wonderful

THE SPANISH SIDE OF 2008-2012 THAT CLAIMED THREE CONSECUTIVE INTERNATIONAL ¡BANG! ¡FUCKING CRACK! TROPHIES (2 EUROS AND A WORLD CUP) DID HOWEVER LIVE UP TO THE GODDAM INCESSANT DIN ¡BOOM! ¡CRACK BOOM!… ¡BOOM! … (SCATTERED CHEERING) AND IS WIDELY REGARDED AS BEING ONE OF THE GREATEST SIDES EVER ASSEMBLED. FINALLY GETTING THE ¡ANOTHER FUCKING RANDOM BOOM! MONKEY OFF THEIR BACK BY NOT ONLY ADVANCING DEEP AT A WORLD CUP BUT GOING ON TO WIN IT, ¡BOOM! SPAIN INITIALLY CRAWLED THROUGH THE 2010 WORLD CUP RATHER UNIMPRESSIVELY BEFORE ULTIMATELY STEPPING UP A GEAR AND IN THE END TAKING THE CROWN. AN OPENING LOSS TO SWITZERLAND WAS THEIR ONLY BLEMISH THROUGHOUT AND ¡BOOM! ¡CRACK! ¡CRACK! IN FACT THEY WOULD ONLY CONCEDE ONE MORE GOAL FOR THE REST OF THE TOURNAMENT (IN THEIR FINAL GROUP MATCH AGAINST CHILE). THEY WENT ON TO DEFEAT HONDURAS, PARAGUAY, PORTUGAL, GERMANY AND THEN FINALLY THE NETHERLANDS IN A TETCHY FINAL, WITH ANDRES INIESTA SCORING THE EXTRA TIME WINNER AND FINALLY VINDICATING ALL THE FUCKING NOISE EMANATING FROM HIS COUNTRY THAT NEVER FUCKING ENDS. ¡BANG! ¡FUCKING BOOM! FUCKING SHUT UP!

Finally all the Spanish noise had a reason

THE BULLSHIT NOISE HAS CONTINUED SINCE THAT 2010 GLORY, ¡MORE FUCKING BOOMS IN THE STREET FOR NO FUCKING REASON! BUT ONCE AGAIN IT’S BEEN MERELY BULLSHIT NOISE FOR BULLSHIT NOISE’S SAKE, ¡CRACK! ¡MORE FUCKING CRACKS FROM FIREWORKS DURING THE DAY (CLASSIC, BY THE WAY) BECAUSE FUCKS KNOWS WHY PROBABLY ANOTHER BULLSHIT TOWN FESTIVAL! WITH THE SIDE EXITING AT THE GROUP STAGE IN 2014 AND BEING ELIMINATED BY HOSTS RUSSIA IN THE ROUND OF 16 AT THE 2018 WORLD CUP. ¡MORE FUCKING BOOMS!

Losses like this one to Russia at the 2018 World Cup do wonders for getting cunts to shut the fuck up in the streets of Spain

WITH A REVAMPED TEAM STACKED WITH A TALENTED NEW GENERATION, ¡CRACK! ¡CRACK! ¡CRACK! ¡CRACK! ¡CRACK! ¡CRACK! ¡SERIOUSLY ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS SHIT??!! THE NOISE AND HOPES ARE ONCE AGAIN HIGH AHEAD OF THE 2022 WORLD CUP. ¡FUCKING BOOM! HAVING SAID THAT, ONE CAN ONLY HOPE THAT ONCE AGAIN IT’S ALL JUST BULLSHIT NOISE ONCE AGAIN CRACK¡ FUCKING BANG! AND THEY BOMB OUT AS EARLY AS POSSIBLE SO DUMBASS CUNTS WHERE I LIVE HERE IN SPAIN SHUT THE FUCK UP AND DON’T LET OFF BULLSHIT ASS MORTARS AND FIREWORKS BECAUSE THAT APPARENTLY MAKES SENSE.

One to watch: Qatar coach Felix Sanchez

There is indeed a Spaniard who actually will be enjoyable to keep an eye on later this year in Qatar, and that’s none other than the coach of the host nation, Felix Sanchez. Charged with the formidable task of guiding Qatar in its first ever World Cup, taking place on its own on home soil (sand?), fingers crossed that Sanchez is the only notable involvement that Spain has at Qatar 2022.

The Highpoint: Winners, 2010 World Cup

Yeah yeah okay blah blah blah once in a lifetime generation of amazing talent… blah blah blah a team like that will never be put together again… blah blah fucking blah yeah okay… unparalleled, unbeatable, invincible (even though Shitty Switzerland beat them)… we’ve all heard it before… the 2010 Spanish World Cup team will forever be one of the greats, we get it. It’s all so boring.

On the plus side, now fans of La Roja will never truly enjoy watching the team again because they’ll forever be comparing them to that dream team that won the World Cup in 2010. And no Spanish team will ever be able to be better–they ruined international football for Spanish fans forever, so well done Spain! That’s a plus!

Learn the lingo & speak like a local!

The Spanish national team singing its national anthem–one of only four in the world with no words–in full voice

Perhaps Spain’s 2008 Eurovision would make a better national anthem?…

Upcoming matches

UEFA NATIONS LEAGUE | LEAGUE A
24 Sep 2022
SPAIN 🇪🇸 x 🇨🇭 SWITZERLAND

27 Sep 2022
PORTUGAL 🇵🇹 x 🇪🇸 SPAIN

FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 | GROUP STAGE
23 Nov 2022
SPAIN 🇪🇸 x 🇨🇷 COSTA RICA

27 Nov 2022
SPAIN 🇪🇸 x 🇩🇪 GERMANY

1 Dec 2022
JAPAN 🇯🇵 x 🇪🇸 SPAIN

By: DavePosted on