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QUEENSLAND, AUSTRALIA–A local man today had his divorce approved by the Family Court of Queensland and–not surprisingly–was immediately tossed into the garbage pit of other gross divorced humans to fester for the rest of his days as a disgusting abomination of tragic, repulsive, unattractive wretchedness. The Pit, which is home to all divorcees across the world, is known as the…
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SANTA FE, TX–Following a highly-elaborate service that cost over $11,000, it is not clear whether recently deceased and local corpse Trish Walker liked her own funeral, or even thought it was at least okay. Walker, who died Saturday afternoon at the age of 51, following complications relating to a heart attack she suffered early that morning, today had a touching and…
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We’ve all heard the famous words, That’s one small step for a man, one giant leap for Mankind, but when Neil Armstrong stepped out of Apollo 11 to become the first man to walk on the moon, he actually was tossing up between what he ended up saying, and a bunch of other stuff that had been going through his head during…
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You know the first date drill: Dinner, drinks and a movie. Boring! If you’ve met someone you’re into and can’t think of anything original to do with them on your first date, here are some ideas: 1. Go to an abandoned quarry and just kind of wander around there for a while An abandoned quarry is not a place that many people usually go…
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Forget all your misconceptions about married couples and how active (or inactive) their sex lives are, because this is going to shock you to your core! Despite the cliché that wedding bells are a death knell for a couple’s sex life, a survey of 2600 married couples across Oregon, USA reported that in actual fact, not only do 99.7% of couples report having…
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All the ladies, put your hands up, because this is going to be music to women’s ears everywhere! Apple has just released their new Apple Watch, the much-anticipated iBiologicalClock which counts down the years, days and even seconds until the female user can officially no longer have children. Wow, ladies! This is not only convenient but also very helpful! Emitting a loud and ominous…
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ZION, THE PROMISED LAND–Responding to inquiries as to why He purposely made Jesus bad at shooting free throws, God Almighty said Monday that the reason he made His Blessed Son garbage from the line was to teach Humanity the curse of believing that just because you happen to be a machine in the paint, you shouldn’t assume that nailing the bonus every…
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If you were alive and breathing and not dead or hadn’t yet been born on these dates, you are so a 90s Kid! Bogus! 4th February, 1997 21st March, 1994 23rd March 1994 17th November 1991 12th July, 1996 12th August, 1996 30th December, 1997 6th April, 1990 10th October 1995 24th September 1999 1st May, 1994 Wow, Off the charts!…