Dave Martin | Sports, stupidity & real-time data analysis ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
BROOKLYN, NY–Yikes, this is going to make you think twice before you think you’ve got someone’s name right. With the whole basketball world poised to hear New Orleans Pelicans select Duke University’s Zion Williamson with the first overall pick in the 2019 NBA draft, Executive Vice-President David Griffin made a massive boo-boo and said “Zack” instead of “Zion”, therefore selecting 28-year-old Massachusetts…
With the first ever competitive match being played way back in 1646, cricket is one of the world’s oldest sports. And with thousands and thousands of matches being played across all ages and levels since then, there’s also been countless rain delays, causing everything from interruptions in play, to abrupt anti-climactic endings or even cancellation of countless scheduled matches that…
Wow! Can you believe it? Game of Thrones, HBO’s epic series about being angry in the snow, is coming to an end! What an incredible eight (or nine?) seasons it’s been, am I right? After all the twists and turns, rollercoaster romances and bloodthirsty slayings, the curtain is finally coming down on John Snow and all the other characters, none of which…
BARCELONA, SPAIN– Having mastered the official language of Spain, local man Dave Martin’s Spanish is so fucking incredible already after living in Spain for only 3 months that he’s saying “Okay, next please” and is moving on to the next language: Catalan. Speaking after having mastered all grammar forms, the use of all Spanish vocabulary in all contexts as well as…
Yikes! Someone didn’t do their homework! The team behind Saint Petersburg’s Moskovsky station have just released a new ad campaign highlighting the fact that if Leo Tolstoy’s Fictional Character Anna Karenina could meet her dream man at the station, anyone can. The problem is that they clearly didn’t read to the end of the story where she also succumbs to her torturous,…
BARCELONA, SPAIN–Much like the quarter finals, local Spanish man, Dave Martin is definitely not hoping at all that Barcelona absolutely rend Liverpool at the Camp Nou tonight, preferably 3 or 17 nil, but then lose on aggregate so he’s not forced to choose between dropping a fucking asston of cash on a Final ticket or not going at all and…
BARCELONA, SPAIN–By driving an inflated object into a netted area with their legs and heads more times than Levante at the Camp Nou tonight, FC Barcelona can have a shiny silver thing given to them for free because they have a more quantitative integer in a particular statistic than other similar organisations, and this will make them yell and smile at each other,…
BARCELONA, SPAIN–Oooh. 6 NBA Championships… 6 NBA Finals MVPs… 5 Regular Season MVPs… Big Fucking Deal. How many times has MJ bought a 45g jar of unground black peppercorns only to realise at home it’s not ground and since he doesn’t own a pepper grinder, then attempted to take it back to the store, over a week later, after having…
BARCELONA, SPAIN–Local Spanish Man Dave Martin is not at all hoping that FC Barcelona lose their quarter final tie against Manchester United at the Camp Nou tonight. Although unlikely, with the hosts already holding a 1-0 advantage after an away win in Manchester last week, this local Spanish man is wholeheartedly, with 100% of his being, hoping for a win…
We were wrong! On Friday, we published an error about Brexit supporters in the UK (which make up 100% of the population). Turns out that Brexiters aren’t like this: But actually like this: Whoops! What a boo boo. We really blew it this time, sorry!