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Good Advice, Doc: Local Man Dave Martin Admitted Dead to Hospital, Local Barcelona Doctors Recommend: “Plenty of Bedrest, You Should Be Fine.”

BARCELONA, SPAIN–Wow, if you’ve lost all faith in modern medicine, hold up a second, because this going to make you a believer again. Local man Dave Martin was admitted to a Barcelona area hospital today with symptoms of death, lack of life and generally being dead, at which point local doctors prescribed him with handful of painkillers and told him, “Plenty of bedrest, you should be fine”.

Wow! It takes years of medical school to build up that kind of understanding of the ailments of the human body!

After being admitted to hospital at 8:45 this morning, Martin, 36, was dead, could not move due to being dead, no longer a mortal being, and nothing but a lifeless husk of flesh. And given the little information the doctors had to go by, it makes their prognosis and intuition to know which random painkillers to throw at him so he just fucks off and leaves all the more remarkable.

This is another one in the Win column for Medicine!

So there you go! Next time you’ve been hit by a truck, suffering a simultaneous brain haemorrhage/heart attack& elbow dislocation (or already dead) trust in these doctors because they know what’s good for what ails ya! Bedrest and you should be fine!