CUNIT, SPAIN–Proving once and for all that dogs are indeed as intelligent as humans, local Spanish dog Chunky instigated a dogfight Thursday, almost psychotically murdering another dog over a 3cm X 4cm rock that lay on the shore of a local beach. Locals are lauding Chunky for his insane near-canicide of another innocent dog, especially for its remarkable historical accuracy in recreating such contemporary genius human battles over arbitrarily drawn border lines such as Catalunya’s claim for independence, Kashmir, Russia’s reclaiming of Crimea, Saudi Arabia’s ongoing war against Yemen and Israel’s smackdown vs. Palestine over Jerusalem, while drawing historical inspiration from such brilliant battles over territory such as the Falklands War, the Balkan wars and World War II. This was a great achievement for not only Chunky, but dogs everywhere, as his unhinged yet remarkably astute viciousness in fighting over a piece of minuscule–yet apparently ultra-valuable–beach rabble also resulted in him partially mauling his owner Dave Martin’s hand–as he desperately tried to wrench open his jaw after he had locked on and clung to his rival dog’s neck, attempting to (reasonably and necessarily) tear open its jugular– like so:
Well done, Chunky! You have proved once and for all that dogs are in fact as smart as humans! Dogs for the win!