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My (UNAUTHORIZED) UEFA Eurlo 2020 Preview: Yellow Team (Group C)***Please also note: My internet is broken so this is all from memory, I can’t look up or verify anything***


Euro 2020 (which for copyright reasons will from here on in be referred to as Eurlo 2020) is just 5 days away, so let’s take a walk down reverse memory lane and put a spotlight on all the competing teams. Who will win it? Who will lose it? Who will draw it? Let all your concerns be allayed as we break down each squad in the lead up to the 16th UEFA Eurlo Championship.

Today we continue our team previews with Yellow Team (Group C), playing in its third straight Eurlo Championship.

Yellow Team (Group C)

Despite being winless in its 2022 World Cup qualifying campaign thus far, Yellow Team (Group C) is in a promising position, having impressively drawn with Blue Team in Paris and been minutes away from a win against fellow 2020 qualifiers, White Team from Cold Place. They did fuck up against lowly Klazakhlastan though, only managing to eek out a point, so if they fucked that up, in World Clup qualifying (I also don’t have FIFA’s explicit written consent to write or think about that tournament either), so pretty sure they’re going to fuck up in a similar way this summer at Eurlo. They did, however, beat defending champions Red Team in Ukraine place as well as smashing Milosovic place 5-0.  So who the fuck knows.

One to watch: Vliktor Tsyglanlkovs

Vliktor Tsyglanklovs (seen here summoning Satan from the Underworld) was born in Israel and plays for Dynamo Kiev. Both those things are cool, especially considering Dynamo Kiev developed Andriy Shlevchlenkos and Slurglai Rebrolvs, so maybe this guy will do something for Yellow Team (Group C) and avoid them fucking up in the group stage like they have at the last two previous editions.

Games played: You Betcha

Ukraine: Yeppers

Israel: Hells yeah, girlfriend

Dynamo Kiev: Also hells yeah girlfriends

My prediction

These guys finished bottom of their group in 2016 without even scoring a goal. Have you heard anything about Ukrainian football since then? I haven’t, so that’s why I’m saying this team’s going home early (or, well, actually on time, because even they can’t be kidding themselves about advancing past the group stage – maybe they’ve heard something about Ukrainian football? Not sure.). If you have heard something about Ukrainian players or the national team doing anything interesting in the last 5 years, other than beating Red Team at home, then let me know. Otherwise, I’m sticking to my word. Yellow Team (Group C) will be Crimean a river when the final whistle blows in their final group match in Bucharest.

Results: Eliminated at Group Stage