The 2030 FIFA World Cup in Spain, Portugal & Morocco is only about 46 moons away (depending on your own set of lunar circumstances) and it promises to be a real doozy. World Cup history is a tale resplendent with stories of triumph against the odds, childhood dreams coming true and unsung heroes becoming legends. As well as dumb idiot losers, wanker fuck-ups and teams that are just total bullshit.

But how shall ye learn about these legends, losers and teams that are just total bullshit? Well look no further my wayward friend as I profile all 211 FIFA nations eligible for World Cup qualification. Today, I take a look at Puerto Rico, which is yet to qualify for a FIFA World Cup. 

PUERTO RICO
FAFO: World Cup 2030 | THE LONG ROAD TO SPAIN/PORTUGAL/MOROCCO | Profile | PUERTO RICO: If only this was the Miss Universe contest 1970-2006 – BUT IN 2026, IT’S COMING HOME | Part of the US, but not part of the US. Depends who you ask and for what and who’s asking

Nickname: El Huracán Azul (The Blue Hurricane) / Los Boricuas (The Boricuas
FIFA Ranking: 157 (September 2026)
Qualified for World Cup Finals: Never
Best WC result: 1994 – Beat the Dominican Republic 3–2 on aggregate before Jamaica eliminated them 3–1 on aggregate in the next preliminary round.
FIFA World Cup 2026 result: 2026: Puerto Rico finished third in second-round Group F with 7 points (2W, 1D, 1L), beating Anguilla 8–0 and Saint Vincent & the Grenadines 2–1, drawing 0–0 with El Salvador and losing 1–0 to Suriname, so they did not reach the final round

WATCH: PUERTO RICO — WHEEL OF NATIONS – FAFO: World Cup 2030 Weekly Wheel of Nations – pt. XI – September 25, 2026:

“The incorporated US Island territory of Puerto Rico, of course” is what locals answer when they’re asked where they’re from. To which they can expect a ‘Uhhh, what?’ in response. And although its status in the area of international political designation is somewhat awkward and confusing, its performance on the Miss Universe stage has been far from that (well it used to be, 1970-2006), where its representatives have been HOT HOT HOT ay ay ay 🌶️🌶️🌶️, winning the contest 5 times since its creation in 1952, (behind only the USA and Venezuela). Unfortunately the FIFA World Cup is not the Miss Universe contest, and when it comes to soccer, Puerto Rico are more like the Italian, Ethiopian, Jamaican, Cambodian, Moroccan, Portuguese, Nigerian, Lebanese, Mauritian, Costa Rican, Chinese, Kenyan, Irish, Vietnamese, Egyptian, Turkish, Ghanaian, Belgian, Indonesian, New Zealander, Greek, Algerian, Paraguayan, Malaysian, Ukrainian, Tunisian, Cameroonian, Austrian, Bolivian, Singaporean, Polish, Ugandan, Iraqi, Croatian, Nepalese, Romanian, Senegalese, Bangladeshi, Hungarian, Guatemalan, Serbian, Mongolian, Swiss, Haitian, Albanian, Honduran, Georgian, Finnish, Dominican, Zimbabwean, Bahraini, Uruguayan, Rwandan, Bulgarian, Icelandic, Azerbaijani, Slovak, Mozambican, Estonian, Jordanian, Latvian, Liberian, Slovenian, Kazakh, Maltese, Zambian, Cypriot, Tanzanian, Belarusian, Pakistani, Namibian, Moldovan, Seychellois, Kosovar, Laotian, Armenian, Luxembourgish, Somali, Montenegrin, Uzbek, South Sudanese, Eritrean, Gabonese, Gambian, Sierra Leonean, Ivorian, Guinean, Equatorial Guinean, Congolese, Swazi, Basotho, Bissau-Guinean, North Macedonian, British, Bahamian, Barbadian, Belizean, Aruban, Curaçaoan, Dominican, Salvadoran, Grenadian, Guadeloupean, Saint Lucian, Guyanese, Fijian, Samoan, or Papua New Guinean Miss Universe teams (all with 0 Miss Universe contest wins).

Last three World Cup Finals

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Last three World Cup qualification campaigns

2026: Puerto Rico finished third in second-round Group F with 7 points (2W, 1D, 1L), beating Anguilla 8–0 and Saint Vincent & the Grenadines 2–1, drawing 0–0 with El Salvador and losing 1–0 to Suriname, so they did not reach the final round. 

2022: Puerto Rico finished third in first-round Group F with 7 points (2W, 1D, 1L)—including a 7–0 demolition of the Bahamas—but only group winners Saint Kitts & Nevis advanced. 

2018: Puerto Rico beat Grenada 1–0 at home, lost 2–0 away, and were eliminated 2–1 on aggregate in the second round. -> WORST RESULT – eliminated from the World Cup 3 years before it started. So embarrassing, almost as embarrassing as having not won the Miss Universe contest since 2006.

One to watch: This

Did you miss this?? Well don’t worry, because here it is! Whatever the hell it was! (UPDATE: Michelle Marie Colón later won Miss Universe Puerto Rico 2021 and represented Puerto Rico at Miss Universe 2021 and did very well: she reached the Top 10, but was eliminated before the Top 5. So: Miss Universe Puerto Rico 2021 → Top 10 at Miss Universe 2021, held in Eilat, Israel. The eventual winner was Harnaaz Sandhu of India. YOU GO GIRL)

Here she is today:

The highpoint: 2 points short of advancing to second round playoff, World Cup 2022 qualifying

Puerto Rico’s best efforts in World Cup qualifying came in the 2022 edition, where it finished the first round group stage just two points short of a place in the second round playoffs. That said, they still finished third, behind has-beens Trinidad and Tobago and group winners St Kitts and Nevis. Yeesh, brutal.

Or if we’re really scraping the bottom of the Puerto Rican rum barrel, maybe its greatest ever result was this, when much like all 211 nations eligible for qualification, it eyed qualification for the World Cup. And wait, not only did it eye it, it then started its campaign a perfect 2 wins from 2 matches (if you count a 0-0 draw with El Salvador as a win – see below) What the Fuck.

A sporting experience you’ve gotta go to that’s uniquely local and awesome (and doable): a BSN basketball game

This is emphatically the pick: go to a Baloncesto Superior Nacional game, Puerto Rico’s top men’s basketball league, where relatively small arenas produce massive noise, travelling supporters follow their clubs around the island and basketball intersects with music and Puerto Rican identity — Bad Bunny, Ozuna and Anuel AA have all become involved with BSN clubs. Tickets are realistically obtainable outside the biggest playoff games.

One unique natural experience to see/visit/experience: kayak Mosquito Bay, Vieques – BIOLUMINESCE SHOUTOUTTTTT!!

Go out after dark in a kayak on Mosquito Bay, disturb the water with your paddle and watch millions of microscopic dinoflagellates illuminate it blue around you; Guinness has recognised it as the brightest bioluminescent bay in the world. This beats merely looking at a nice Caribbean beach because it’s an actual Puerto Rican experience you’re unlikely to reproduce elsewhere.

One town/city that the locals love: Ponce

Puerto Rico’s proudly southern counterpoint to San Juan: Plaza Las Delicias, colourful architecture, Caribbean history, local food, music and a very strong Ponce is Ponce local identity; its central plaza remains an everyday gathering place for locals rather than merely a preserved tourist quarter. 

Food you’ve gotta have: Mofongo

fried green plantain mashed with garlic, oil and usually chicharrón, then served alone or stuffed with meat or seafood. There are other deeply home-associated dishes — especially arroz con gandules — but for one unmistakably Puerto Rican plate that a Boricua abroad immediately recognises as home, I’m taking mofongo.

A drink you’ve gotta smash: Piña colada

For once the tourist cliché is actually legitimate: Puerto Rico invented the piña colada and it is officially regarded as the island’s national drink — rum, coconut cream and pineapple juice.

The Wedding Banger – Puerto Rico’s unofficial anthem: “Preciosa” — Rafael Hernández, especially Marc Anthony’s version

This category is tricky because I can’t substantiate the claim that one song literally appears at every Puerto Rican wedding. But “Preciosa” passes the more important part of our test spectacularly: Rafael Hernández’s ode to Puerto Rico is widely treated as an unofficial national anthem, and Marc Anthony’s version turns it into the diaspora-wide belt-it-out song — essentially wherever I go, I’ll be Puerto Rican.

🫠 FAFO Favourite – Puerto Rico’s unofficial anthem:

3 Legends

⚾ Sport — Roberto Clemente: The definitive Puerto Rican sporting legend: Pittsburgh Pirates superstar, 3,000-hit MLB Hall of Famer, humanitarian and the first Puerto Rican/Latin American player inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame; his significance on the island extends far beyond baseball. 

🎵 Music — Héctor Lavoe: Ponce-born singer and one of salsa’s defining voices, whose work with Willie Colón and later solo career made him one of the central figures of the New York/Puerto Rican salsa explosion.

🎭 Culture — Rita Moreno: Humacao-born actress, singer and dancer, West Side Story icon and the first Latina to achieve PEGOT status — Peabody, Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and Tony. 

🫠 FAFO Favourites:

🏀 Sport — Carlos Arroyo: Former NBA player and longtime Puerto Rico national-team point guard who helped produce one of the island’s greatest sporting moments — the 92–73 Olympic victory over the United States in Athens 2004. He’s ideal for explaining why basketball matters so disproportionately much to Puerto Rico and what representing the island actually means.

🎵 Bad Bunny — Music/Culture: Puerto Rican global superstar whose music is inseparable from the island — from performing in Spanish and foregrounding Puerto Rican slang and identity to Debí Tirar Más Fotos, which explicitly explores Puerto Rico, memory, migration and cultural preservation; potentially the ultimate FAFO Five guest because five minutes on “What does the rest of the world misunderstand about Puerto Rico?” could cover music, sport, food, diaspora and identity.

🎵 Music — iLe (Ileana Cabra): Grammy-winning Puerto Rican singer-songwriter and former Calle 13 vocalist whose music moves between traditional Puerto Rican/Latin sounds and contemporary alternative music; she’d give you something far more interesting than “Puerto Rico = reggaeton” and can speak directly to music, language and Puerto Rican identity.

🍴 Culture — Wilo Benet: Puerto Rican chef, restaurateur and television personality whose career has been built around interpreting Puerto Rican cuisine; perfect for throwing the Wheel picks at him — “Mofongo: correct? Piña colada: legitimate or tourist bollocks? Ponce: yes or no?” — and letting a Puerto Rican actually correct the research.

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