Writing – Page 14 – Dave Martin | Sports. Music. Culture. Every day.

Love is in the Air: New Dating App Hurry The Fuck Up Launches, Designed Specifically For Singles Too Busy To Use A Dating AppLove is in the Air: New Dating App Hurry The Fuck Up Launches, Designed Specifically For Singles Too Busy To Use A Dating App

January 8, 2019| Dave|

Listen up all you go-getting singles, because this is going to be music to your ears! Created specifically for those young singles who are just too busy to not only

Local Man Completes 625th Page Of His First Ever Tolstoy Book And He Can Conclude: ‘People Right. Tolstoy Long. But Tolstoy Good. Tolstoy Long, But Tolstoy Good. Tolstoy Long. And Tolstoy Good.’Local Man Completes 625th Page Of His First Ever Tolstoy Book And He Can Conclude: ‘People Right. Tolstoy Long. But Tolstoy Good. Tolstoy Long, But Tolstoy Good. Tolstoy Long. And Tolstoy Good.’

January 5, 2019 | Dave

Instead Of Turning Her Into A Pillar Of Salt, How Else Had God Considered Punishing Lot’s Wife For Looking Back At Sodom?Instead Of Turning Her Into A Pillar Of Salt, How Else Had God Considered Punishing Lot’s Wife For Looking Back At Sodom?

January 3, 2019 | Dave

Having fled Sodom less than 8.2 seconds before God smoked that wicked, rancid shithole to the ground, Lot, his two daughters and his wife legged it across the desert like

Whypothetical: Can You Distract A Meteorologist With Idle Small Talk About The Weather While He Waits To Testify In His Mother’s Manslaughter Trial?Whypothetical: Can You Distract A Meteorologist With Idle Small Talk About The Weather While He Waits To Testify In His Mother’s Manslaughter Trial?

January 2, 2019| Dave|

Everyone knows that waiting to testify in your mum’s manslaughter trial is a stressful time, so are you able to take a meteorologist’s mind off his mum’s heinous crime with

Whypothetical: Is It Worth Sticking A Rifle In Your Mouth And Blowing Your Face Off In A Failed Suicide Attempt So That When You Come To, You Can Drop The ‘You Should’ve Seen The Other Guy’ Gag And Get A Gigantic Laugh From Everyone In The Emergency Ward?Whypothetical: Is It Worth Sticking A Rifle In Your Mouth And Blowing Your Face Off In A Failed Suicide Attempt So That When You Come To, You Can Drop The ‘You Should’ve Seen The Other Guy’ Gag And Get A Gigantic Laugh From Everyone In The Emergency Ward?

January 1, 2019 | Dave

You Can Do It: ‘Do That Thing I’ve Been Meaning To In 2020’ Tops List Of Most Popular New Year’s Resolutions for 2019You Can Do It: ‘Do That Thing I’ve Been Meaning To In 2020’ Tops List Of Most Popular New Year’s Resolutions for 2019

December 31, 2018 | Dave

What are you scared of?What are you scared of?

December 29, 2018| Dave|

What are you scared of? Or, are you just scared of facing up to what you’re scared of? Of confronting it, dealing with it and taming it? It’s possible that

How Indifferent Are You To Christmas With Your Family? Take The Quiz!How Indifferent Are You To Christmas With Your Family? Take The Quiz!

December 23, 2018| Dave|

How indifferent are you to spending Christmas with your family? Take the quiz and find out! Question 1) The thought of buying presents for family members you know next-to-nothing

Report: Mexican, Italian, Chinese Food Referred To As Just ‘Food’ In Respective CountriesReport: Mexican, Italian, Chinese Food Referred To As Just ‘Food’ In Respective Countries

December 22, 2018| Dave|

MEXICO, ITALY, CHINA–Contrary to previously held beliefs, Chinese, Mexican and Italian Food is just referred to as “food” in each of their respective countries. In a report released today out

Man At Beach Bored Of Ocean Tide Going In, Out, In, Out and Just Doing ‘Same God Damn Thing, Over And Over, It’s Been Doing Since Fucking Forever’Man At Beach Bored Of Ocean Tide Going In, Out, In, Out and Just Doing ‘Same God Damn Thing, Over And Over, It’s Been Doing Since Fucking Forever’

December 21, 2018 | Dave

Local Girlfriend Who Doesn’t Understand Herself Angry At Partner For Not Understanding HerLocal Girlfriend Who Doesn’t Understand Herself Angry At Partner For Not Understanding Her

December 20, 2018 | Dave

Recently Deceased Hardworking And Altruistic Black Garden Ant Almost Immediately Forgotten By Members Of ColonyRecently Deceased Hardworking And Altruistic Black Garden Ant Almost Immediately Forgotten By Members Of Colony

December 19, 2018 | Dave

Local Man’s Divorce Approved By Family Court, Immediately Thrown Into The Pit Of Disgusting, Divorced Garbage Humans For Rest Of His Miserable LifeLocal Man’s Divorce Approved By Family Court, Immediately Thrown Into The Pit Of Disgusting, Divorced Garbage Humans For Rest Of His Miserable Life

December 18, 2018| Dave|

QUEENSLAND, AUSTRALIA–A local man today had his divorce approved by the Family Court of Queensland and–not surprisingly–was immediately tossed into the garbage pit of other gross divorced humans to fester

It Unclear Whether Local Corpse Liked Her Own Funeral (Or Even If Thought It Okay)It Unclear Whether Local Corpse Liked Her Own Funeral (Or Even If Thought It Okay)

December 17, 2018| Dave|

SANTA FE, TX–Following a highly-elaborate service that cost over $11,000, it is not clear whether recently deceased and local corpse Trish Walker liked her own funeral, or even thought it

What Else Was Neil Armstrong Considering Saying As He First Stepped On The Moon?What Else Was Neil Armstrong Considering Saying As He First Stepped On The Moon?

December 16, 2018| Dave|

We’ve all heard the famous words, That’s one small step for a man, one giant leap for Mankind, but when Neil Armstrong stepped out of Apollo 11 to become the first man

Myth Shattering: 93% Of Married Couples Report They Have Sex At Least 5,000 Times A DayMyth Shattering: 93% Of Married Couples Report They Have Sex At Least 5,000 Times A Day

December 14, 2018| Dave|

Forget all your misconceptions about married couples and how active (or inactive) their sex lives are, because this is going to shock you to your core! Despite the cliché that wedding bells are

Ladies rejoice: Apple Unveils New Series 4 iBiologicalClock Apple Watch So Women Can Be Constantly Reminded Of Sole Purpose In Life And How Long Until Their Life No Longer Worth LivingLadies rejoice: Apple Unveils New Series 4 iBiologicalClock Apple Watch So Women Can Be Constantly Reminded Of Sole Purpose In Life And How Long Until Their Life No Longer Worth Living

December 12, 2018| Dave|

All the ladies, put your hands up, because this is going to be music to women’s ears everywhere! Apple has just released their new Apple Watch, the much-anticipated iBiologicalClock which

Lesson Learned: God Announces He Made Jesus Good Down Low In The Post But Bad At Free Throws To Teach Us The Folly Of Assuming That Just Because You’re A Beast In The Block Doesn’t Necessarily Mean You Can Always Finish The And-1Lesson Learned: God Announces He Made Jesus Good Down Low In The Post But Bad At Free Throws To Teach Us The Folly Of Assuming That Just Because You’re A Beast In The Block Doesn’t Necessarily Mean You Can Always Finish The And-1

December 11, 2018| Dave|

ZION, THE PROMISED LAND–Responding to inquiries as to why He purposely made Jesus bad at shooting free throws, God Almighty said Monday that the reason he made His Blessed Son garbage

NFL Recommends Relaxing Use Of Helmets and Other Safety Equipment In Elementary School Football So Players Can Get Used To Life As A Pro Footballer, Living With CTE Much EarlierNFL Recommends Relaxing Use Of Helmets and Other Safety Equipment In Elementary School Football So Players Can Get Used To Life As A Pro Footballer, Living With CTE Much Earlier

December 10, 2018 | Dave

Rad: 11 Awesome Calendar Dates That Only 90s Kids Would Have Been Totally Clinically Alive ForRad: 11 Awesome Calendar Dates That Only 90s Kids Would Have Been Totally Clinically Alive For

December 9, 2018| Dave|

If you were alive and breathing and not dead or hadn’t yet been born on these dates, you are so a 90s Kid! Bogus! 4th February, 1997 21st March, 1994 23rd