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Thoreau was shit at maths

I forgot what he said exactly but Henry David Thoreau said that wood is the gift that gives warmth twice –once when you chop it down and once when you burn it.

But he miscalculated. By a lot.

Norwegians are on to it, because they say that it gives warmth three times: Once when you chop it, once when you stack it, and once when you have a fire.

But those pesky Norwegians are also bad at all the maths. Because this wood collection, which I collected, gives warmth at least six times:


Once when you collect it and put it in the car, once when you take it out of the car, once when you chop it, once (due to rapidly increased heart rate) when you try cut a log with the axe and a huge piece of it jackknifes right back up at you and almost smashes you in the temple (and then almost hits the dog), once more when you have to go over and get it and place it back down, and one more time when you mishit a piece and the axe ricochets off the log and inadvertently drifts in slow motion towards your adjacent foot and just misses meat cleavering the absolute fuck out of it by about 2 inches because you’re doing it barefoot.