***I DON’T HAVE FIFA’S PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT TO USE, TALK, THINK OR EVEN YELL AT RANDOS FROM MY BALCONY ABOUT ANY NAMES, COUNTRIES OR EVENTS MENTIONED IN MY FIFA WORLD CUP QATAR 2022 COVERAGE, SO FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS FROM HERE ON IN, THE EVENT WILL BE REFERRED TO AS QLAMQTAR 2022.***

The Qlamqtar 2022 World Cup is only about 4 moons away (depending on your own set of lunar circumstances) and the first ever World Cup held in the Arab world promises to be a real doozy. World Cup history is a tale resplendent with stories of triumph against the odds, childhood dreams coming true and unsung heroes becoming legends. As well as dumb idiot losers, wanker fuck ups and teams that are just total bullshit.

But how shall ye learn about these legends, losers and teams that are just total bullshit? Well look no further my wayward friend as I profile all 211 FIFA nations eligible for World Cup qualification. Today, I take a look at Thailand, which is yet to qualify for a World Cup.

With Costa Rica at the 2022 World Cup, it’s kinda like Thailand’s there too!

THAILAND
“Okay, so our greatest ever player talk like prostitute. But so what? Who care?!”

This good man, best man. Make Thailand win lot. Who give fuck if no speak English or if speak English like prostitute?

Nickname: War Elephants
FIFA Ranking: 111 (June 2022)
FIFA World Cup 2022 Qualification result: Failed to advance from second round (AFC) group stage, finishing below UAE, Vietnam and Malaysia (but above those smelly jerks, Indonesia)

Speak English not part of play soccer good. Play soccer and coach soccer is just importance if you want play soccer good, so who care if all-time greatest Thai player Kiatisuk ‘Zico’ Senamuang speak like ‘Pattaya prostitute’, according to Thai Lecturer Tawich Jitsomboon from Suranaree Technology University?

Zico not English professor, and he also not prostitute. But Zico Thai Soccer God, who score more goal (70) and play more match (131) than any Thai player in history. And sure, Zico no help Thailand make World Cup or go far in Asian Cup, but he number 17 in all-time list of international goalscorer and win 3 AFF Championship and one runner-up as player, and when he Thai coach for four year, win AFF Championship two time. So what if he no speak English good, who care. Not big deal. Thailand best time history come when him player and him coach.

So who care if Zico, or any of our coach of player speak like Pattaya prostitute? It only say by this university idiot. And really, who he, huh? Who he? Everyone know Suranaree Technology University no Chulalongkorn University!

At end of day, we no care Zico speak like prostitute. We just happy Zico bring Thailand many joy and win local rival Malaysia, Vietnam, Singapore and especially smelly Indonesia many time, and he also stop smelly Indonesia winning 1 AFF Championship. 555555555!!!!!🤣🤣🤣

One to watch: The 2020 brawl of annoying idiots in Lopburi

The central Thai town of Lopburi is overrun by seemingly cute-but-actually-fucking-annoying monkeys, divided into two gangs: temple monkeys (the pricks who think they control the area around the Phra Prang Sam Yod historical landmark and temple), and city monkeys, the little cunts who preside over the municipality. There used to be enough food to go around for both packs of sick fucks, but with the effects of the pandemic particularly affecting tourism, coming by food scraps usually left behind by visitors became an out-and-out war. This reached breaking point in March 2020 when the two rival gangs of idiots clashed, going toe to toe in an all-out showdown to prove to other idiots which pack of hairy lunatics is the most fucking annoying.

The Highpoint: This list of 19 signs you’re obsessed with the Thai national team

Forget the third place at the 1972 AFC Asian Cup or Winning the AFF Championship six times, because nothing highlights how great the Thai national football team is better than this list from Bangkok’s BK Magazine:

Please can we?! Here it is!

Preach!

5. I hear that!! 6. Yes, Holla, except for their result against the US. Ignore that.

7. Yes you do! Especially after you find out who Madame Pang is (Thai women’s national team coach. 8. #CantStopWontStopButNoMatchesUntilJuneNextYearSoHaveToStop