The shark which purposely killed a man in Queensland’s Whitsunday Islands earlier this week is desperately attempting to have his charge of first-degree murder thrown out of the supreme court and reduced to the lesser charge of manslaughter. The shark, which everyone can agree had it in for the man and had just been waiting for the right moment to maul him, finally got his chance to fuck the guy up, and he took it.
However, the shark has a different take on the incident.
Earlier today, the shark had this to say:
Fortunately, the state of Queensland and the Commonwealth of Australia protect the rights of all citizens and their right to a fair trial, where all citizens are innocent until proven guilty. Therefore, I would assume that based on how a lot of my peers have been killed by humans in retaliation attacks, just like you humans do to each other on the streets or in wars or in a bar when someone looks at your woman and because ‘What the fuck are you looking at?’, one can only assume that right extends to me.
Sharks, which live in the place that they don’t belong and is the place that belongs entirely to humans (planet earth) –and more specifically the ocean (also a place that everything else can fuck off out of because it’s ours too)– are known to bite not out of malice, but out of curiosity, which is totally fucked up because people don’t do that shit, so it’s dumb and we’ve got to just kill the lot of em because what the fuck is that shit?
If successful, under Queensland law, the shark is looking at a minimum of 14 years imprisonment. And the shark’s case to have his murder charge thrown out of the Queensland supreme court may have been strengthened today, after video footage of the attack was released, when in the moments immediately following his releasing of the man from his jaws, he is clearly heard to say:
Oh shit, dude. Fuck!… My bad. Seriously dude, that’s my bad.