The 2030 FIFA World Cup in Spain, Portugal & Morocco is only about 46 moons away (depending on your own set of lunar circumstances) and it promises to be a real doozy. World Cup history is a tale resplendent with stories of triumph against the odds, childhood dreams coming true and unsung heroes becoming legends. As well as dumb idiot losers, wanker fuck-ups and teams that are just total bullshit.
But how shall ye learn about these legends, losers and teams that are just total bullshit? Well look no further my wayward friend as I profile all 211 FIFA nations eligible for World Cup qualification. Today, I take a look at Vietnam, which is yet to qualify for a World Cup.
VIETNAM
Rambo was right on this one
Nickname: Rồng vàng (Golden Dragons)
FIFA Ranking: 97 (September 2026)
Qualified for World Cup Finals: Never
Best WC result: 2022: Vietnam reached Asia’s final round of World Cup qualifying for the first time, finishing bottom of its six-team group but earning a historic 3–1 win over China.
FIFA World Cup 2026 result: Vietnam reached Asia’s final round of World Cup qualifying for the first time, finishing bottom of its six-team group but earning a historic 3–1 win over China.
WATCH: 🇻🇳 VIETNAM — WHEEL OF NATIONS – FAFO: World Cup 2030 Weekly Wheel of Nations – pt. XII – September 26, 2026:
Wrong about Afghanistan in Rambo III, Rambo’s was right about Vietnam in Rambo First Blood: Part II. When his Colonel’s tells him the old Vietnam is dead, Rambo disagrees. And he’s right – it is well and truly alive. Its golden generation, which reached the 2018 U-23s Asian final, won the 2018 ASEAN Championship, won men’s gold at the 2019 SEA Games and made the 2019 Asian Cup quarter-finals, reached the final round of World Cup qualifying for the first time for Qatar 2022, is still alive.
Gone are the days of the 1998 FIFA World Cup Qualifying campaign where they lost all 6 games, matchfixing scandals of the 2005 SEA Games, or the all-time low FIFA ranking of 172 only 20 years ago. Now, the team’s heart is pulpitated more regularly than ever, and the tema’s right of the middle of its golden era, with the senior side retaining the ASEAN title in 2026, while the U23s finished third in Asia this year too, with a real shot at winning the newly reformed ASEAN Championship kicking off this weekend (Sep-Oct 2026). CORRECT, RAMBO, you were right about this one! As the old song goes:
🎶“Heeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy…. Heyyyyyy Rambo… Hoo! Ha!…. YOU WERE WRONGGGGGGONNGGONGGGG ABOUT AFGHANISTAN, BUT YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT VIETNAM.” 🎶
Known for his ability to get the job done no matter what, Rambo’s right about Vietnam still kicking. Now that the coaching merry-go-round of 12 coaches (1 returning for a second go) in 20 years has settled, and an seemingly eternal inferiority and submission to its regional neighbours has been overcome, today, Vietnam has in fact proved their might over their Asian rivals on the greatest stage possible. Well the greatest stage for them that is, the ASEAN Championship (back-to-back defending champions, 2024 and 2026).
Being placed alongside Indonesia, Thailand, Malaysia, Vietnam and one other team in Group G of second round 2022 Asian World Cup qualifying (the ‘G’ stood for ‘Goddam it, we put all the south east Asian countries together, plus one other team’. WHAT THE FUCK.), the Golden Dragons ultimately came out on top of the pile of Mekong River mud, finishing second only to One Other Team.
Despite suffering from PTSD, ignorance and a clinical brain haemorrhage as a result of blunt trauma in Rambo: First Blood part one, Rambo nailed this one. Vietnam is alive (as Rambo is). Those duds are long gone, and there’s a new team in town. Unlike any team in its past, this Vietnam is one that has become the strongest team in all of South East Asia, and advanced to the final round of 2022 World Cup qualifying for the first time in its history, falling just one step short of qualifying and even winning the 2026 ASEAN Championship, with this AWESOME OWN GOAL TOO – HECK YEAH (despite an underwhelming performance in 2026 qualifying). But still, good one Rambo, you did it again.
Despite his unwavering belief in Vietnam’s national team, Rambo and Vietnam’s military weren’t best buddies:
But still, Rambo believes in Vietnam’s national team:
Last three World Cup campaigns
2026: Vietnam finished third behind Iraq and Indonesia in its second-round group and was eliminated.
2022: Vietnam made its historic final-round debut, beat China 3–1, but finished bottom of the group and missed the World Cup.
2018: Vietnam finished third behind Thailand and Iraq in its second-round group, ending its World Cup campaign there
One to watch: The Coach Terminator
Any coach facing the Vietnam national team with Park Hang-seo as coach better have another job lined up. Thailand’s Sirisak Yodyadthai, UAE’s Bert Van Marwijk, Indonesia’s Indra Sjafri and even his mentor from the 2002 World Cup with South Korea Guus Hiddink all were terminated following a loss to Park’s Vietnam side.
An underwhelmingly lame and universally canned appointment to begin with, coach Park–who’s Korean–has revolutionised the Golden Dragons, taking the under-23s to the final of the 2018 AFC Championship, winning one AFF Championship, and the 2018 AFF Championship (senior team). He also lead them in winning SEA Games where his under-23 side won gold in 2019 and again in 2022
And most recently, the furthest they’ve ever been in World Cup qualifying.
Having being made an honorary citizen by the Vietnamese government thanks to the success he brought the national team, he’s also responsible for the Vietnamese government implementing more favourable VISA regulations for Koreans and has gone from being the most attacked coaching hire in Vietnamese national team history in 2017 (due to his apparent shitty role call of shitty teams previously coached), to being more loved by Vietnamese than singer who first rose to fame on TV talent show Your Face Sounds Familiar [sic] Khoi My, actor and comedian who in 2015 started dating singer Hari Won MC Tran Thanh, and performing artist whose composed soundtrack for the movie Chang Trai Nam Ay (Dandelion), was delayed due to allegations that the soundtrack was too similar to Korean singer Jung Yong Hwa’s Because I Miss You Son Tung M-TP!
The Highpoint: Failing to maintain the status quo of South East Asian nations and actually succeeding, World Cup 2022 Qualifying
Failing to live up to the expectations of fans, pundits and the broader soccer public, Vietnam failed in their attempt to be eliminated before the business end of qualifying for the 2022 FIFA World Cup. There’s only ever been one south east Asian nation (and that was Indonesia’s–then Dutch East Indies–bullshit qualification and shitty one match effort in 1938) out of the 13 nations contingent to ever qualify for the World Cup. And this low bar has remained a bar way too high for the remaining 12 ASEAN countries (Brunei, Cambodia, Laos, Malaysia, Myanmar, the Philippines, Singapore, Thailand, and Vietnam), that is until Vietnam– JUST RELAX, VIETNAM DID NOT QUALIFY FOR THE 2022 or 2026 WORLD CUP, JUST TAKE IT EASY–came closer than any of its predecessors, advancing from its first round group (fittingly almost entirely made up of south east countries) to the final stage.
Ultimately, in its best ever run, for the 2022 World Cup, it finished bottom of its group and fell well short of a World Cup spot (or even the playoffs), but fuck me, they took the lead after just 3 minutes in their third round opener against Saudi Arabia, managed to get a draw from their away fixture against Asian giant Japan, defeated China in Hanoi and aside from a 4-0 battering in Australia, were competitive in all other games, dropping to losses by either a solitary goal or 2. Wow, the days of singing ‘Việt Nam ơi cùng nhau Việt Nam ơi hãy nhớ Việt Nam không chùn bước Luôn quyết thắng chông gai Việt Nam ơi cùng nhau Việt Nam ơi hãy nhớ Trong chiến thắng vinh quang Khó khăn luôn chờ!’ (Together Vietnam Remember Vietnam We cry and we fight Together we try Together Vietnam Remember Vietnam Hardship after storm Glory will come!)–which is typically sung when Vietnam is losing to a stronger opponent– may be numbered!
A sporting experience you’ve gotta go to that’s uniquely local and awesome (and doable): V League football at Hàng Đẫy Stadium
Go to a V.League match at Hàng Đẫy, ideally one of the big Hanoi fixtures. It’s compact, central, inexpensive and much closer to the everyday Vietnamese football experience than engineering a national-team match at a huge stadium. Vietnamese football crowds also give us precisely what Wheel of Nations wants: drums, flags, supporter groups and a very different football culture from Europe.
One unique natural experience to see/visit/experience: the Hà Giang Loop
This one is spectacular: several days travelling the Hà Giang Loop through the far north, crossing the Đồng Văn Karst Plateau and the enormous Mã Pí Lèng Pass above the Nho Quế River. Vietnam’s official tourism authority describes Hà Giang as some of the country’s most rugged scenery and the loop as one of Asia’s great road trips; you can self-ride if properly licensed and experienced, or do it with a local driver.
One town/city/neighbourhood that the locals love: Đà Nẵng
It’s the useful antidote to automatically saying Hanoi, Ho Chi Minh City or Hội An: a proper Vietnamese city with kilometres of beach, excellent central-Vietnamese food and a markedly more relaxed rhythm. Vietnam’s tourism authority specifically notes that it’s popular with Vietnamese domestic travellers and residents as well as foreign visitors.
Food you’ve gotta have: phở
hở passes the actual FAFO test: you’re Vietnamese, you’ve lived overseas for six months, what bowl immediately tastes like home? The answer will vary massively by region and family — including a serious north-versus-south argument about what constitutes proper phở — which actually makes it a better conversation starter than finding something obscure for obscurity’s sake.
A drink you’ve gotta smash: bia hơi
Bia hơi is much better for this than simply naming a Vietnamese beer brand. It’s fresh, lightly alcoholic draught beer delivered daily and traditionally drunk on tiny pavement stools, particularly in Hanoi; the social ritual is arguably more important than the beer itself. Vietnam Tourism
The Wedding Banger – Vietnam’s unofficial anthem: “Một Nhà” — Da LAB
This might be one of our most literal wedding-banger selections yet. “Một Nhà” means roughly “One Home/One House”, is about two people building a life together, and Vietnamese wedding sources specifically describe it as a song couples repeatedly choose for their weddings. It’s Da LAB, so you also get a bit of Vietnamese hip-hop/pop rather than a generic syrupy ballad.
3 Legends
3 Legends
⚽ Sport — Lê Huỳnh Đức: One of the defining figures of modern Vietnamese football: prolific national-team striker through the 1990s and early 2000s, three-time Vietnamese Golden Ball winner and later a successful V.League coach.
🎵 Music — Trịnh Công Sơn: Songwriter, poet and painter who wrote more than 600 songs and poems and became one of the towering figures of modern Vietnamese music; his songs continue to be performed and commemorated throughout Vietnam and the diaspora decades after his death. Trinh Cong Son
🎬 Culture — Trần Anh Hùng: Vietnamese-born filmmaker behind The Scent of Green Papaya, Cyclo and The Taste of Things, and an interesting representation of how Vietnamese culture has travelled internationally through cinema.
🫠 FAFO Favourites:
⚽ Nguyễn Quang Hải — Sport: One of the most recognisable players of Vietnam’s modern football generation, 2018 Vietnamese Golden Ball winner and a central figure in the national team’s rise; at 29 in 2026 he’s still playing domestically and is exactly the person you’d want to ask what reaching a World Cup would actually mean in Vietnam. Transfermarkt
🎵 Suboi — Music: Ho Chi Minh City rapper widely regarded as a pioneer of Vietnamese hip-hop and particularly useful for FAFO because she can talk about contemporary Vietnam rather than simply represent traditional culture — language, generational change, music and what outsiders misunderstand about the country. Wikipedia
🍜 Luke Nguyen — Culture/Food: Vietnamese-Australian chef, restaurateur and television presenter whose entire career has involved using food to tell stories about Vietnam; he has travelled extensively through the country documenting regional cuisine and explicitly describes food as being about history, culture, country and people. For an Australian host, there’s also a very natural connection rather than a cold celebrity approach.
Learn the lingo & speak like a local!
